A black book existed with a smooth leather frame
and a broad spine that held its lips together
allowing its mouth to open and close
its thick and many layered tongue inside
for all its pages were sketched and drawn upon
with scribbles, words, sentences, even pictures
but with no unifying clarity
like an orchestra without its conductor
were the writings of this intriguing book
of God, history, art and literature
were the subject matters of this vast work
but its substance held many contradictions
for on the face of the great book was etched
the title: “God exists” and the words:
“by Carl Jung” written below in biro.

As the author’s mental state worsened
so to does the book’s contents throughout
names of lovers were written down everywhere
fears of death and end times were shown vividly
the book was even ripped up in a fit of rage
like Frankenstein’s hateful creator
was the author in his storm of wrath
yet the book was pieced back together
from the broken flesh that remained of it
refashioned and now renamed as: Manic
and with the author’s identity revealed
as Mark Cecil Brownlee of Armagh

As the author of the poem, and it seems the author of the book by the end revelation, I don't like how you refer to the book as intriguing in the first stanza.  It is intriguing but you don't have to say that, say something we don't know about it if you need an adjective.  Because God exists by Carl jung is not in itself intriguing either, except by the end revelation of Frankenstein book-monster.  Other than the one adjective, I think this is brilliant.  I don't know if it's an excerpt from a biography or just the rambling of a lunatic. And I like it.

I think this has its way of working with its run-on sentences, not that poems necessarily rely on sentences, and blasted and battered attempt to desperately identify with another's system, the good thing about being crazy is there's not much difference between figurative and literal. So unless you want to make this more flowerly, I only see more flayed details could improve it.

Oh wow I really like this. It certainly darkens as the poem goes on, culminating in "ripped up in a fit of rage".

I like how you take the time to give a description of the book with the onset of the poem and you move it into a beautifully haunted personification of the book itself. I also notice and rather like how you always use the word "book" and don't replace it with a synonym. 

I think it is superb how you roll your name in there so well at the end. Are you really from Armagh, Ireland?

(11-14-2016, 08:31 AM)Mark Cecil Wrote:  A black book existed with a smooth leather frame
and a broad spine that held its lips together
allowing its mouth to open and close
its thick and many layered tongue inside
for all its pages were sketched and drawn upon
with scribbles, words, sentences, even pictures
but with no unifying clarity
like an orchestra without its conductor
were the writings of this intriguing book
of God, history, art and literature
were the subject matters of this vast work
but its substance held many contradictions
for on the face of the great book was etched
the title: “God exists” and the words:
“by Carl Jung” written below in biro.

As the author’s mental state worsened
so to does the book’s contents throughout
names of lovers were written down everywhere
fears of death and end times were shown vividly
the book was even ripped up in a fit of rage
like Frankenstein’s hateful creator
was the author in his storm of wrath
yet the book was pieced back together
from the broken flesh that remained of it
refashioned and now renamed as: Manic
and with the author’s identity revealed
as Mark Cecil Brownlee of Armagh

Hey Mark, I think your showing some chops here cause I can follow some of it, but I still can think about it a little. 

(11-14-2016, 08:31 AM)Mark Cecil Wrote:  A black book existed with a smooth leather frame
and a broad spine that held its lips together
allowing its mouth to open and close
its thick and many layered tongue inside
for all its pages were sketched and drawn upon
with scribbles, words, sentences, even pictures
but with no unifying clarity
like an orchestra without its conductor
were the writings of this intriguing book --were is a weak verb.
of God, history, art and literature
were the subject matters of this vast work
but its substance held many contradictions
for on the face of the great book was etched
the title: “God exists” and the words:
“by Carl Jung” written below in biro.

As the author’s mental state worsened
so to does the book’s contents throughout -- is the tense right in this line?
names of lovers were written down everywhere
fears of death and end times were shown vividly
the book was even ripped up in a fit of rage
like Frankenstein’s hateful creator
was the author in his storm of wrath -- was is a weak verb. In fact, to be verbs are sort of weak in general unless you need them.
yet the book was pieced back together
from the broken flesh that remained of it
refashioned and now renamed as: Manic
and with the author’s identity revealed
as Mark Cecil Brownlee of Armagh

Was a little confused, but I have headache. Would use some better verbs for some of those to bes.