Permanence/The Visiting Poet's Lament (Senryu)

These cups are full of
paperclips and safety pins
but I need staples!

if you strayed off the 5-7-5 you could trim it to;

cups full
of paperclips and safety pins
I need staples

enjoyable either way.

(08-06-2016, 09:19 PM)dukealien Wrote:  Permanence/The Visiting Poet's Lament (Senryu)

These cups are full of
paperclips and safety pins
but I need staples!

as a teacher I can appreciate the frustration in being attached to menial tasks and objects. writing would be a better use of time, as the title suggests.

i don't feel permanence in the verse though, if anything the opposite.

just a thought. thanks for sharing

(08-09-2016, 02:03 AM)kolemath Wrote:  

(08-06-2016, 09:19 PM)dukealien Wrote:  Permanence/The Visiting Poet's Lament (Senryu)

These cups are full of
paperclips and safety pins
but I need staples!

as a teacher I can appreciate the frustration in being attached to menial tasks and objects. writing would be a better use of time, as the title suggests.

i don't feel permanence in the verse though, if anything the opposite.

just a thought. thanks for sharing

No fun if you explain it, but... "Permanence" because I was looking for something to hold a three-page poem printout together and keep them in order.  Paperclips always lose out when someone else reads...

(08-06-2016, 09:19 PM)dukealien Wrote:  Permanence/The Visiting Poet's Lament (Senryu)

These cups are full of
paperclips and safety pins
but I need staples!

Relatable.

 Maybe not just permanence but attachment, pun intended.

(08-09-2016, 02:03 AM)kolemath Wrote:  ... writing would be a better use of time ...

Since when is writing ever a better use of time?
The only people who ever think this are writers on those days when the world conspires to keep them from writing.
And when they get a chance to write?  Usually, after a few hours, they agree with the rest of the world.

(08-14-2016, 05:31 AM)dukealien Wrote:  No fun if you explain it, but... "Permanence" because I was looking for something to hold a three-page poem printout together and keep them in order. 
Paperclips always lose out when someone else reads...

I've been in this predicament before, only there were no paperclips as well.  So, mother of invention and all, I used a safety pin. 
While they tend to crinkle the paper a bit, I've found they are much more permanent than staples.

But this poem evidences a much more basic problem: Lack of editing.  Single page poems need no staples.

(08-23-2016, 04:24 AM)Southern Scarab Wrote:   Maybe not just permanence but attachment, pun intended.

You've got it. "Attachment" adds, in addition to the pun, two more levels of meaning.

Appreciate the title & the poem & glad it was bumped to the fore.  Also agree that 'attachments' would take the reader to another level.

I would agree to remove the "but"
this sort of reminds me of Alanis Moresettes "IRONIC" lol