Edit 1 (Ella)

I've been lost
in a Humbuckers field,
picking plump fruit
from plectrums, to fill stomp boxes
full of ripe fancy.

My fingers
cut deep on thin strings,
as I work away fretless,
my voice buried
as I ripen lines,
spit dust in time.

Weighed down by
a solid body,
sustained by
the richness
of a pentatonic crop
I tune myself open.

Original
I've been lost
in a Humbuckers field,
picking plump fruit from
plectrums, to fill stomp boxes
full of ripe fancy.

My fingers
cut deep on thin strings,
and I sing
with gravel
as I work away fretless,
always keeping time.

Weighed down by
a solid body,
sustained by
the richness
of a pentatonic crop
buried under rocks.

I especially like the first two stanzas. The first line of the second stanza caught the first stanza very nicely. My fingers. And the whole thing works. You probably could've had this published elsewhere. It strikes me as the best I've read of you.

Keith,

This is excellent, I read it as a blues poem or a kind of new-age field holler.
I especially like 'as I work away fretless' and the mention of 'pentatonic'.
I would have probably been tempted to use some more guitar terms in there, but that's where I would have spoilt it. 'Plucking' probably seems a bit too obvious and I can see how it would mess up the title also.

Are you thinking of putting this to music? It has a 'slide guitar' feel written all over it in many senses.

Cheers for the read,

Mark

Keith,

I git blister on my fingers to picking too much plectrum and skinning to much gut.

Really nice poem. You seem to be producing a veritable plethora of artistic output lately. I really like this one.

dale

Starting with the title, which does its job so well, the whole has a beautiful sound to it. The gravel stands out as a bit cliche in what otherwise is so interesting. Lovely read.

(01-16-2016, 11:32 AM)rowens Wrote:  I especially like the first two stanzas. The first line of the second stanza caught the first stanza very nicely. My fingers. And the whole thing works. You probably could've had this published elsewhere. It strikes me as the best I've read of you.

Thanks for the comment Rowens, its good to know it comes across ok, much appreciated. Keith

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(01-16-2016, 12:45 PM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:  Keith,

This is excellent, I read it as a blues poem or a kind of new-age field holler.
I especially like 'as I work away fretless' and the mention of 'pentatonic'.
I would have probably been tempted to use some more guitar terms in there, but that's where I would have spoilt it. 'Plucking' probably seems a bit too obvious and I can see how it would mess up the title also.

Are you thinking of putting this to music? It has a 'slide guitar' feel written all over it in many senses.

Cheers for the read,

Mark

I would struggle putting this one to music Mark, I need a fixed beat to compensate for my basic guitar playing and slide is a whole new chapter for me. But yes I was thinking Blues.

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(01-16-2016, 02:53 PM)Erthona Wrote:  Keith,

I git blister on my fingers to picking too much plectrum and skinning to much gut.

Really nice poem. You seem to be producing a veritable plethora of artistic output lately. I really like this one.

dale

Glad you like the poem Dale and yes I've been doing a lot of posting but not much giving back to others need to address the balance.

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(01-16-2016, 07:25 PM)ellajam Wrote:  Starting with the title, which does its job so well, the whole has a beautiful sound to it. The gravel stands out as a bit cliche in what otherwise is so interesting. Lovely read.

Thanks Ella I agree the gravel was a late change on another line that didn't really work so I will try for an edit, thanks, Keith