Edit 1: More of a practice poem than anything, but I like some of the techniques I've seen on the website



It’s time to patter songs about the rain,
I browse a dusty book that’s nearly dead.
And seek to dampen up a paper page.

I hear the gentle drops outside again,
expiring while I ramble getting dressed,
“It’s time to patter songs.” About the rain,

I gaze a liquid vein trailing the pane
Impressing wintry glass with hands outspread,
And seek to dampen up a paper page.


They tell me, "speak a truth and write more plain."
While spinning “Hey Ho’s” tell my grasping head
It’s time to patter songs about the rain,

It’s glutted droppings circle down the Drain.
I hurl notes inside a puddle bed,
And seek to dampen up a paper page.

I heard the constant ticking hands arranged,
To tell me when to wake or sleep and said,
It’s time to patter songs about the rain,
And seek to dampen up a paper page.






You can listen to a computer read it here: https://www.yakitome.com/tts?a=T&b=872625&c=nye6Y3czFFVg&d=T (I can't believe the obsession has gotten to that level. )

It’s time to patter on about the rain,
To browse inside a book that’s old and dead,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

I hear the gentle drops outside again,
I need to find a reason to get dressed,
It’s time to patter on about the rain.

I’ve never even flailed a wheaten grain.
But I’ll write my pen’s a tool to thresh,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

They say to speak a truth and write more plain.
While “Hey Ho’s” spin inside and tell my head,
It’s time to patter on about the rain.

The glutted droppings circle down the Drain.
I’ll add a line about a fatal thread,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

I heard the constant ticking hands arranged,
To tell me when to wake or sleep and said,
It’s time to patter on about the rain,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

that's a pretty bad robo voice, libravox is equally as bad. sounds like someone stuck a finger up her nose, still it's a better reading than i could have done; the poem:
a good effort. i'd check the rhyme scheme, according to milo and others it's usually :

A Villanelle rhymes in the pattern A1 - b - A2, a - b - A1, a - b - A2, a - b - A1, a - b - A2, a - b - A1 - A2 where capital letters indicate a refrain and small letters indicate a rhyme.
but as i said, a good effort

(06-05-2014, 04:33 PM)Brownlie Wrote:  It’s time to patter on about the rain, i like the patter and how its connected to the rain
To browse inside a book that’s old and dead, would [nearly or almost dead] work better with the next line
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

I hear the gentle drops outside again,
I need to find a reason to get dressed, the two [I's} feel to regimented or too monotonous
It’s time to patter on about the rain. so we have a villi

I’ve never even flailed a wheaten grain. i can't get this line to work for me no matter how hard i try
But I’ll write my pen’s a tool to thresh, needs a comma after write
And seek to pinch some life from off a page. small changes in punctuation would make the refrain stronger as it would be read differently each time.

They say to speak a truth and write more plain.
While “Hey Ho’s” spin inside and tell my head,
It’s time to patter on about the rain.

The glutted droppings circle down the Drain.
I’ll add a line about a fatal thread,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

I hear the constant ticking hands arranged,
To tell me when to wake or sleep and said,
It’s time to patter on about the rain,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page. good finish. that works well for me in setting an ambiance of the poet.

(06-05-2014, 05:19 PM)billy Wrote:  that's a pretty bad robo voice, libravox is equally as bad. sounds like someone stuck a finger up her nose, still it's a better reading than i could have done; the poem:
a good effort. i'd check the rhyme scheme, according to milo and others it's usually :

A Villanelle rhymes in the pattern A1 - b - A2, a - b - A1, a - b - A2, a - b - A1, a - b - A2, a - b - A1 - A2 where capital letters indicate a refrain and small letters indicate a rhyme.
but as i said, a good effort

(06-05-2014, 04:33 PM)Brownlie Wrote:  It’s time to patter on about the rain, i like the patter and how its connected to the rain
To browse inside a book that’s old and dead, would [nearly or almost dead] work better with the next line
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

I hear the gentle drops outside again,
I need to find a reason to get dressed, the two [I's} feel to regimented or too monotonous
It’s time to patter on about the rain. so we have a villi

I’ve never even flailed a wheaten grain. i can't get this line to work for me no matter how hard i try
But I’ll write my pen’s a tool to thresh, needs a comma after write
And seek to pinch some life from off a page. small changes in punctuation would make the refrain stronger as it would be read differently each time.

They say to speak a truth and write more plain.
While “Hey Ho’s” spin inside and tell my head,
It’s time to patter on about the rain.

The glutted droppings circle down the Drain.
I’ll add a line about a fatal thread,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

I hear the constant ticking hands arranged,
To tell me when to wake or sleep and said,
It’s time to patter on about the rain,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page. good finish. that works well for me in setting an ambiance of the poet.

Nearly is a great suggestion. I used near rhymes to try and fit the scheme, but I'm not sure if they are more effective or not. Some other good suggestions too, thanks for commenting.

(06-05-2014, 04:33 PM)Brownlie Wrote:  You can listen to a computer read it here: https://www.yakitome.com/tts?a=T&b=872625&c=nye6Y3czFFVg&d=T (I can't believe the obsession has gotten to that level. )

It’s time to patter on about the rain,
To browse inside a book that’s old and dead,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page. I'm not getting the connection between the two refrain lines

I hear the gentle drops outside again,
I need to find a reason to get dressed,
It’s time to patter on about the rain.

I’ve never even flailed a wheaten grain.WTF?
But I’ll write my pen’s a tool to thresh,meter is off in this line
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.'from off' sounds a bit clumsy to me

They say to speak a truth and write more plain.they tell me?
While “Hey Ho’s” spin inside and tell my head,
It’s time to patter on about the rain.

The glutted droppings circle down the Drain.
I’ll add a line about a fatal thread,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

I heard the constant ticking hands arranged,
To tell me when to wake or sleep and said,
It’s time to patter on about the rain,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

Billy has already touched on most of the points I thought of raising, so I'll just add:

It's a great temptation, when writing in meter, to use a lot of 'little words' to fill in the beats and keep it constant. In your first stanza you repeat 'to' and 'and' enough to bug me.

Thanks for posting this - you must be British, to use the weather as a background - and especially rain.

(06-06-2014, 06:25 AM)just mercedes Wrote:  

(06-05-2014, 04:33 PM)Brownlie Wrote:  You can listen to a computer read it here: https://www.yakitome.com/tts?a=T&b=872625&c=nye6Y3czFFVg&d=T (I can't believe the obsession has gotten to that level. )

It’s time to patter on about the rain,
To browse inside a book that’s old and dead,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page. I'm not getting the connection between the two refrain lines

I hear the gentle drops outside again,
I need to find a reason to get dressed,
It’s time to patter on about the rain.

I’ve never even flailed a wheaten grain.WTF?
But I’ll write my pen’s a tool to thresh,meter is off in this line
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.'from off' sounds a bit clumsy to me

They say to speak a truth and write more plain.they tell me?
While “Hey Ho’s” spin inside and tell my head,
It’s time to patter on about the rain.

The glutted droppings circle down the Drain.
I’ll add a line about a fatal thread,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

I heard the constant ticking hands arranged,
To tell me when to wake or sleep and said,
It’s time to patter on about the rain,
And seek to pinch some life from off a page.

Billy has already touched on most of the points I thought of raising, so I'll just add:

It's a great temptation, when writing in meter, to use a lot of 'little words' to fill in the beats and keep it constant. In your first stanza you repeat 'to' and 'and' enough to bug me.

Thanks for posting this - you must be British, to use the weather as a background - and especially rain.

Well, the robot is British I'm actually American. No one's getting the villanelle's connection to pastoral poetry, and the poem poking fun at Heaney's Digging! Well, I should probably scratch it then. I suppose the idea of patter as empty poetic jargon is also a stretch. Thanks for commenting, very useful.