If Bethy wants a blue Ice cream,
tinted specs will fill the dream.
If lighthouse keepers want their lunch
then mustard stops the Seagulls munch.

You see monsters under beds,
but look again it’s you instead.
Witches squeezed on crowded brooms
wave their wands to make some room.

When owl babies miss their mum,
don’t worry you know she’ll come.
Sad little beaver hears his echo,
crosses the lake to find his echo.

If you ask Mable to lay the table,
then you get Jim to pass the jam.
Six dinner Sid was sussed by the doc,
so he tried again around the block.

Smart aunty Etta wore a sweater,
auntie Tracey wore something lacy.
When greedy Peter tries to flee
he only gets camomile tea.

Now if your reading this in bed,
snuggle down and nod your head,
close your eyes and shut them tight,
then you will get a kiss good night.

;It has the appeal of children's tales, and the land of dreams. I think it would be improved if the metres were more regular. It is OK to change from line to line, or even to have an extra half-foot, but breaking out of a more or less established metre is jarring, to me.

This is the point where someone points out that I am criticising something deliberately written to conform to some form....and it is fun.

what abu said


enjoyable

(04-18-2013, 07:58 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote:  So many children in so many places,
have listen intent with mesmerised faces, listened?
all I say is thanks for the time,
when sleepy heads,
could dream in rhyme.

A lovely poem.

(04-18-2013, 08:33 AM)abu nuwas Wrote:  ;It has the appeal of children's tales, and the land of dreams. I think it would be improved if the metres were more regular. It is OK to change from line to line, or even to have an extra half-foot, but breaking out of a more or less established metre is jarring, to me.

This is the point where someone points out that I am criticising something deliberately written to conform to some form....and it is fun.

Thanks Abu all good pointers I will make some changes to try and smooth it out a bit, paying homage really to all those great children's books. TOMH

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(04-18-2013, 12:04 PM)billy Wrote:  what abu said

Thanks billy.....what I said to Abu
enjoyable

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(04-18-2013, 12:25 PM)NakedBear Wrote:  

(04-18-2013, 07:58 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote:  So many children in so many places,
have listen intent with mesmerised faces, listened?
all I say is thanks for the time,
when sleepy heads,
could dream in rhyme.

A lovely poem.

Thanks for pointing that out NakedBear don't know how I missed it. Changed it now. Tomh