Geese

[Miley]

Thank you knot, I (mostly ha) like your edit. You know… I haven’t read the Shakespeare that the quote is from, I just read that quote in another book (on alchemy) probably the same day I saw those geese and people driving to work, and it all made sense in a sort of synchronicity sort of way. It seems like the quote isn’t doing much for my poem, besides taking people to Egypt haha. I thought my *place/setting* would be universal, if such a place exist. Tranquil already pointed out that some places don’t have blizzards. 

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Hi Miley,
an enjoyable (if somewhat incomprehensible ) read.


Geese


descend
in a perfect pitch ........................... echo of Heaney?
of pale plumes and snowfall. ............I think this is a much better opening (though you might not need this last line.)

A blizzard
– powdered amnesia –

hushes land and sky.
Sometimes the river freezes over

in gold, like god is an artery .......... should it be 'God'? Just asking.
cut through our centre .................. don't understand 'cut through'(doesn't seem to work with artery.)

horizon is without meaning.
The soil is red ............... spilled blood? Or the Red Land of ancient Egypt? (I can see how the Shakespeare might have prompted the poem, but is the quote still needed?)

Our history is the history of falling,
and violence,

and love, 
the soil is red

but this is not a noble place
and everywhere the earth screamed

it lost its voice
again and again

I give to baser life. ........... I can't tie this to anything in the poem. It's the first mention of 'I'. Be nice if you could bring the geese back somehow (though 'again and again' threads back to 'amnesia'.)


Best, Knot

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