Posts: 38
Threads: 11
Joined: Apr 2013
Passing Clouds
Some day,
when I am old
and my well-meaning friends
have bidden me preserve myself
from death -
watch out!
I’ll go to town
and buy a Meerschaum pipe
and stuff it full of pungent herbs
and puff
sweet clouds
of perfumed smog
in their direction as
they, in their misplaced concern for
my health,
beseech
me to stop it
before I do myself
irreparable harm. Poor souls!
If they
but knew
to what extent
I intended to sit
and watch those passing clouds, they’d be
appalled.
Rose-lipt maidens, lightfoot lads!
I like the style. Smoke of pipe brings clouds. Live life with gusto and not in hypochondriac state
Posts: 280
Threads: 42
Joined: Mar 2013
Hi Pilgrim,
The title completely mislead me, but I like being surprised, and the title fits just beautifully after I read through the first time.
I think it was narrated in a witty and refreshing way. I don't know what those 'pungent herbs' exactly are, but the wording lead my mind to images of an old man, in a coloury world, smoking herbs, watching clouds and time go by, while being content. No idea if that was your intent, but I enjoyed it nevertheless. Thanks for sharing
- LB
Posts: 38
Threads: 11
Joined: Apr 2013
(05-05-2013, 05:51 AM)bogeycadet Wrote: I like the style. Smoke of pipe brings clouds. Live life with gusto and not in hypochondriac state
Hello, bogeycadet.
Thank you for your comments.
This style of presentation is known as Cinquain. The lines of each stanza contain 2, 4, 6, 8, and 2 syllables respectively.
Regards,
Pilgrim.
(05-05-2013, 09:28 AM)Volaticus Wrote: Hi Pilgrim,
The title completely mislead me, but I like being surprised, and the title fits just beautifully after I read through the first time.
I think it was narrated in a witty and refreshing way. I don't know what those 'pungent herbs' exactly are, but the wording lead my mind to images of an old man, in a coloury world, smoking herbs, watching clouds and time go by, while being content. No idea if that was your intent, but I enjoyed it nevertheless. Thanks for sharing
- LB
Hello, Volaticus.
Thank you for your comments.
‘Pungent herbs’ was just another way of saying ‘aromatic tobacco’.
Regards,
Pilgrim.
Rose-lipt maidens, lightfoot lads!
