Two senryu
#1
The crazy Chaffinch.
With all of the sky to choose,
Flew at the window.

Entering boldly,
Blazing bright red bravery.
The humble Robin.
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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#2
i really like this. two good images. they both have a touch of the comedic about them
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#3
(05-03-2013, 07:51 AM)billy Wrote:  i really like this. two good images. they both have a touch of the comedic about them

Thanks again Billy for your comments, these two were originally written as Haiku but then after getting more of an understanding of Haiku through my post yesterday I realised that these two are better as Senryu, especially for the fact that they have humour in them.
Also I never meant it to be so, but yes there is a feathered element to the past five poems I've posted, I'll sort it out. Just as I read your 'bird' comment my first thought was "I hope he doesn't read "pugnacious" about the robin trying to evict me. And then within seconds I noticed your comment. Busted. I deserve to be assimilated. Big Grin
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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#4
no need to sort anything out, write what you like writing about Wink
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#5
(05-03-2013, 02:59 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:  
The crazy Chaffinch.
With all of the sky to choose,
Flew at the window.

Entering boldly,
Blazing bright red bravery.
The humble Robin.


simply fantastic!!

Just one thing: I wold write senryuu or use a makron over the "u".
If you don't, that wold be like writing High Q instead of haiku.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senry%C5%AB


thanks for the read!

cheers

serge

as for content: you cannnot know that, but the first senryuu describes me perfectly well! ,-)

I coud say sth about how your second senryuu explains the first. very fine and subtle! congrats!
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#6
(05-03-2013, 03:44 PM)serge gurkski Wrote:  
(05-03-2013, 02:59 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:  
The crazy Chaffinch.
With all of the sky to choose,
Flew at the window.

Entering boldly,
Blazing bright red bravery.
The humble Robin.


simply fantastic!!

Just one thing: I wold write senryuu or use a makron over the "u".
If you don't, that wold be like writing High Q instead of haiku.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senry%C5%AB


thanks for the read!

cheers

serge

as for content: you cannnot know that, but the first senryuu describes me perfectly well! ,-)

I coud say sth about how your second senryuu explains the first. very fine and subtle! congrats!

Thanks Serge for your kind comments it is very much appreciated. Also thanks for the advice over spelling along with the wiki link it is very informative.
Glad you enjoyed them. Thanks.
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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#7
Both of them are wonderful! I enjoyed the wordplay with b's in the second, and the subtle humour of the first.
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#8
(05-04-2013, 07:57 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:  
(05-03-2013, 03:44 PM)serge gurkski Wrote:  
(05-03-2013, 02:59 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:  
The crazy Chaffinch.
With all of the sky to choose,
Flew at the window.

Entering boldly,
Blazing bright red bravery.
The humble Robin.


simply fantastic!!

Just one thing: I would write senryuu or use a makron over the "u".
If you don't, that would be like writing High Q instead of haiku.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senry%C5%AB


thanks for the read!

cheers

serge

as for content: you cannot know that, but the first senryuu describes me perfectly well! ,-)

I could say sth about how your second senryuu explains the first: very fine and subtle! congrats!

Thanks Serge for your kind comments it is very much appreciated. Also thanks for the advice over spelling along with the wiki link it is very informative.
Glad you enjoyed them. Thanks.
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