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My cuticles are worked and raw,
the reeds are splintered, the weave is mangled
an obelisk is not a shape
for weaving, just too many angles.
"Your points are all disjointed!"
points out Janey, self-anointed
queen of bamboo tuck 'n weave,
"you've got to draw the edges flat!"
Sadie has just noticed that
my sides are warped and wavy
and an obelisk should lay flat,
"It looks more like a rubber mat!"
And Caroline, that fucking bitch,
openly flaunts her seven-year-itch,
thinks it's time to make her pass,
she cups her palm and grips my ass,
"It's my opinion, you didn't ask it,
but maybe you should weave a basket."
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i love that you only quote females 
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(05-01-2013, 07:50 AM)milo Wrote: "It's my opinion, you didn't ask it,
but maybe you should weave a basket."
What are you alluding to with 'weave a basket'. I feel I'm being a bit thick. 
The rest is clear to me, and I found it amusing.
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yah, I wasn't even alluding, I meant a literal basket, as in you are a terrible weaver, weaving obelisks might be too complex for you, stick to baskets. Sometimes I just like it when people say ludicrous things I guess.
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Yep, somedays seem like that. This gave me a fat grin, love the title.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
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(11-12-2013, 12:36 PM)ellajam Wrote: Yep, somedays seem like that. This gave me a fat grin, love the title.
someone in another group was arguing with another angsty member and he said something stupid like, "If I want gentle criticism, I'll go to my uni creative writing class."
I had no idea what that meant so i wrote this as a response.
and you think I am easily distracted in /this/ group . . .
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You make yourself sound like a piece of meat in a den of wolves at that weaving class This is a good enough poem for serious critique, even if it is fun. I really like your use of rhyme, which makes each verse sound almost like a limerick. A slight problem is that "ass", which evokes American English, doesn't quite rhyme with "pass". British English's much quainter "arse" would be better...
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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I missed this the first time around, milo. It really is hilarious. I agree with Jack that it could be reposted into the critique forums.
Much enjoyed,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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(11-12-2013, 08:25 PM)Todd Wrote: I missed this the first time around, milo. It really is hilarious. I agree with Jack that it could be reposted into the critique forums.
Much enjoyed,
Todd
Thanks Todd (and jack). It is in fun as I have no intention of revising it (you'd think I would at least fix the meter, right) but if I change my mind, I will move it over and give it a shot.
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