My first love

[religare231]

Looking into the stars,
I could feel your lonely existence,
Whatever did happen between us,
It tore us apart, it made me
Realize how silly I had been,
I had sacrificed my heart to a cold and callous person,
You cared for none but yourself,
Your sinful smile, could make many a men lie down in your arms,
Why did you play with my heart?
Was it because I loved you so much,
Was it because I spoke my heart out to you,


Well it doesn’t matter now,
Cause I’ve decided to move on,
To take back what belonged to me,
To take back my heart and lend it to someone,
Who could love me more than you ever did
I just want to let you know,
That it doesn’t matter what you think,
For you shall always be the first love of my life

[rowens]

Looking into the stars,
I could feel your lonely existence,
Whatever did happen between us,
It tore us apart, it made me
Realize how silly I had been,
I had sacrificed my heart to a cold and callous person,
You cared for none but yourself,
Your sinful smile, could make many a men lie down in your arms,
Why did you play with my heart?
Was it because I loved you so much,
Was it because I spoke my heart out to you,

You have some pretty long sentences. Do you like it that way? And some of the wording seems, not bad, but a little funny.
Do you mean many a men or man?



Well it doesn’t matter now,
Cause I’ve decided to move on,
To take back what belonged to me,
To take back my heart and lend it to someone,
Who could love me more than you ever did
I just want to let you know,
That it doesn’t matter what you think,
For you shall always be the first love of my life

[Magpie]

This is a difficult subject to write about and considering that the poem is so personal to you I won't say too much apart from, use of metaphors would greatly improve this poem and add a bit colour and spice. Also the use of the word "silly" just doesn't seem right.

[Volaticus]

I liked the first two lines and the image it gave me But after that, it's mostly just you/the narrator talking. And that's also fine, it just needs some more depth. You could condense the lines, stripping them to the core of what you want to say, and then add some fitting images/metaphors. A lot of the lines would benefit from that - line 8 for example. I think there's lots to build on in this poem

[vtsai01]

I agree with the rest of the critics. It was a bit difficult for me to understand your stance at first until the second stanza.