All Changes but Change Itself

[Ajax]

The animals, will be brought to life,
And too soon again, meet the knife.
The trees, will grow from the ground,
And too soon again, will they be downed.
The days will pass, and turn to night,
And too soon again, will there be light.
In the cemetery, holes are made,
And too soon again, works the spade.
As many lives, wax and wane
And young boy, turns to cane.
For all changes, but change itself,
And all changes, but change itself.

[rowens]

The animals, will be brought to life,
And too soon again, meet the knife.
The trees, will grow from the ground,
And too soon again, will they be downed.

The line above is a good example of what sounds really forced into shape at the expense of the poem. Many of the lines here are kind of like that.


The days will pass, and turn to night,
And too soon again, will there be light.
In the cemetery, holes are made,
And too soon again, works the spade.
As many lives, wax and wane
And young boy, turns to cane.
For all changes, but change itself,
And all changes, but change itself.

[Volaticus]

The animals, will be brought to life, First comma isn't needed
And too soon again, meet the knife.
The trees, will grow from the ground, First comma isn't needed
And too soon again, will they be downed. 'downed' sounds weak, and the rhyme is forced
The days will pass, and turn to night, In my opinion, this and the next line offers very little to the poem
And too soon again, will there be light. I knew the word 'light' would appear
In the cemetery, holes are made,
And too soon again, works the spade.
As many lives, wax and wane
And young boy, turns to cane.
For all changes, but change itself,
And all changes, but change itself.

Hi Ajax,
I think this poem has a nice theme/idea behind. For me, most of the lines are pretty weak, because of firstly the directness of them, and secondly the lack of originality. It seems very.. ordinary to me. I don't mean to sound harsh, but a poem of this theme craves for vivid, original and strong images. In my opinion anyways. Thanks for the read

[Ajax]

Thanks for the feedback, I'll try to work on going a little outside the box next time. One again thanks for the comments!