Blinded by my desire

[halcro]

I was blinded by my desire for too long.
Loving and caring.
She was, always helping me to succeed.
Yet,
She stood before me,
Blinded by her presence,
I did not see.

[tectak]

I was blinded by my desire for too long.
Loving and caring.
She was, always helping me to succeed.
Yet,
She stood before me,
Blinded by her presence,
I did not see.

Hi halcro,
Good to see a new post. I will come back to this but there are grammatical issues that you should really correct before posting. Punctuation is flaky.
You might think about posting in another forum if you don't see the problems.It is terse verse....so a check over and correction should not take long.
Best,
tectak

[Volaticus]

Hi,
It's a very short poem, with not a lot going on, besides.. talking. In my opinion, anyway. I could see it benefit greatly with some vivid images I see the base of a poem, but it needs some meat on those bones/sentences. There's also some grammatical errors, as already mentioned.
Thanks for the read

[halcro]

I was blinded by my desire for too long.
Loving and caring,
She was,
Always helping me to succeed.
Yet,
She stood before me,
Blinded by her presence,
I did not see.

Everything here is meant to be so do not comment on structure, grammar or punctuation.

[Leanne]

That doesn't leave much to comment on. This is the Serious Critique forum and I'm afraid you can't pick and choose what people critique. I will move this to the Miscellaneous forum for now, but warn you that if you're just here to have people praise your poetry, you're in the wrong place.

[tectak]

I was blinded by my desire for too long.
Loving and caring.
She was, always helping me to succeed.
Yet,
She stood before me,
Blinded by her presence,
I did not see.

Hi halcro,
I said I would come back but you had moved. I noted your comments re. what sort of crit you wanted and didn't want, so all I can really say is its not very good.
Best,
tectak on a good day.

[milo]

I was blinded by my desire for too long.
Loving and caring.
She was, always helping me to succeed.
Yet,
She stood before me,
Blinded by her presence,
I did not see.

Hi halcro,
I said I would come back but you had moved. I noted your comments re. what sort of crit you wanted and didn't want, so all I can really say is its not very good.
Best,
tectak on a good day.

I am not sure what discussion is appropriate in miscellaneous. I also did not find it good but for perhaps entirely different reasons(?)

[Todd]

I was blinded by my desire for too long.
Loving and caring,
She was,
Always helping me to succeed.
Yet,
She stood before me,
Blinded by her presence,
I did not see.

Everything here is meant to be so do not comment on structure, grammar or punctuation.

Okay, if we lay all those areas aside. It also needs imagery to be interesting.

[milo]

I was blinded by my desire for too long.
Loving and caring,
She was,
Always helping me to succeed.
Yet,
She stood before me,
Blinded by her presence,
I did not see.

Everything here is meant to be so do not comment on structure, grammar or punctuation.

Okay, if we lay all those areas aside. It also needs imagery to be interesting.

what about the cliches, Todd? Are you cool with the cliches?

[Todd]

I thought the cliches were the structure.

[milo]

I thought the cliches were the structure.

ahh . . . no comment on them then I suppose.

I remember once writing a poem that was intentionally bad. People told me it was awful. It was a huge success!!!

[Todd]

I thought the cliches were the structure.

ahh . . . no comment on them then I suppose.

I remember once writing a poem that was intentionally bad. People told me it was awful. It was a huge success!!!

I claim that all my poems are intentionally bad, it saves time.

[milo]

I thought the cliches were the structure.

ahh . . . no comment on them then I suppose.

I remember once writing a poem that was intentionally bad. People told me it was awful. It was a huge success!!!

I claim that all my poems are intentionally bad, it saves time.

then I am sad to report you have often failed abysmally.

[halcro]

I was blinded by my desire for too long.
Loving and caring,
She was,
Always helping me to succeed.
Yet,
She stood before me,
Blinded by her presence,
I did not see.

Everything here is meant to be so do not comment on structure, grammar or punctuation.

Okay, if we lay all those areas aside. It also needs imagery to be interesting.
"it also needs imagery" So it is already interesting but needs more imagery to make it even more interesting.

---

I was blinded by my desire for too long.
Loving and caring,
She was,
Always helping me to succeed.
Yet,
She stood before me,
Blinded by her presence,
I did not see.

Everything here is meant to be so do not comment on structure, grammar or punctuation.

Okay, if we lay all those areas aside. It also needs imagery to be interesting.
"it also needs imagery" So it is already interesting but needs more imagery to make it even more interesting.

[Todd]

No, it isn't interesting at all. The poem is vague, repetitive, and doesn't say much. If you approached the content with the idea of adding imagery you might be able to make it interesting.

[rowens]

I'm not interested in anything, but people are funny these days. I just don't know why.

[halcro]

Hi,
It's a very short poem, with not a lot going on, besides.. talking. In my opinion, anyway. I could see it benefit greatly with some vivid images I see the base of a poem, but it needs some meat on those bones/sentences. There's also some grammatical errors, as already mentioned.
Thanks for the read

Everything is where it is meant to be so do not consider changes to what i have previously said. I like your idea of imagery however, it is meant to be a short poem so i do not want to add any more to it and no bother about the read, plenty more where that came from!

---

No, it isn't interesting at all. The poem is vague, repetitive, and doesn't say much. If you approached the content with the idea of adding imagery you might be able to make it interesting.

Someone needs to think before they type then! Haha "It also needs imagery to be interesting."