Separation

[Glittercake]

I've only been doing poetry for a few years now, I sent a poem in for a contest and won 1st place, so I hope I haven't lost my touch. I hope you like it!

Separation

Stolen, thieved, swiped away
Innocence will never stay
Screams so loud
No one can hear
They have no sound
But lots of fear

Sinking slowly
Falling weakly
With wet eyes
You are pleading

You are drowning
Everyone else is breathing

[rowens]

It doesn't have much to it.

[Volaticus]

Hi,
I thought it had a good flow in the beginning. But it's very abstract. And to me it's mostly just a lot of words.
I think it needs some clear images, to depict the agony of the words you chose.
It needs some tweaking. Try playing and experimenting with images, sentences, words, etc.

[Glittercake]

Thank you. I will experiment and try to make my poems longer.