Greater Than

[Sanger]

I don't love you
I don't want to love you
Because the word "love" has been watered down over time
And when the tracks of your tears follow mine, I feel a connection
That cannot yet be defined by the words in our language
Tu eres al mundo para mi
But even that cannot capture my emotion
I am dissecting the air to find your last exhale
There is excellence in all that you do
That's why I can't love you
That would be too easy
I've always felt that you get what you deserve
So if I said "I love you" it just wouldn't be fair
I write poems for you
Especially on the days when you don't love yourself
Because I know that you will
And when you do, I want to be prepared
I know the wounds of your heart are slowly pushing through your skin
But I feel where your scars are because I was meant to wipe them away
I cannot break the barriers of your verbal topography
It has to come from you, dear
There is no strategic lighting that can make your soul develop
On a photograph, so don't look at yourself
Stare into my eyes as I look back at you
Because that's the closest two crazy kids will ever get to the truth
I can tell you how beautiful you are
But I'd rather show you the beauty made in me
This smile is simply a gift given by your perfection
These hands are not blistered
Because I've never attempted to mold the elegance God built you out of
Listen
My voice is merely the vibration of my vocal chords
Caused by the sound of your heartbeat
I want to press my body against yours
So our breath can dance in the ballroom of our lungs
These lips seem to be magnetically attracted to yours
But that's just because I'm starving for the taste of art
Your actions are far more poetic than my words will ever be
I'm addicted to the way you live
This is not a love poem
This is the truth
But who said love could never lie?

[UnicornRainbowCake]

Firstly, this is a very long poem. It could do well with some trimming (especially in the less vital lines).

The last six lines don't have the impact I think you were trying to get across. There is too much between the first lines and the last lines - the idea that you're not in love has been well and truly lost at this point.

A lot of your lines are beautiful and very poetic yet understandable, but re-read this yourself, and think about the point you're trying to get across with this. Use the idea to its full potential

[neena2504]

I enjoyed reading it

There are some beautiful lines in this poem like:
"the tracks of your tears follow mine, I feel a connection"
"So our breath can dance in the ballroom of our lungs"

Yes, this is indeed little longer than one would expect because there are words and lines which can be trimmed off. This will make it sound more like poetry, without the trim it has a slight feeling of a prose.

In the last line you say that even love could lie, so what is the love lying about? All that you wrote about your lover or just the fact that you don't want to love her?

All in all, you can have a very strong poem once you streamline the emotions to one goal you want to reach and trim off the excess words which are not making a great impact as the others.