I am unproductive

[IdiomsNCliches]

"I am unproductive"

I want to do something great,
but I'm tired
I wish I had motivation to create,
but I'm absent-minded

My mind is a think tank
Racking up ideas
I try to let them bleed to paper
But these pages remain blank

I often worry that soon it'll be too late,
My prime will pass with no climax,
I'll be left with thoughts that devastate
Nothing to show for my hours spent

I got a script,
The doc said it would help,
It's done no good,
I'm simply ill-equipped

[NakedBear]

"I am unproductive"

I want to do something great,
but I'm tired
I wish I had motivation to create, you could replace 'I had' with 'for' to good effect
but I'm absent-minded

My mind is a think tank
Racking up ideas
I try to let them bleed to paper this is a neat image, worthy of a stanza of its own where you could elaborate on how you cause the bleeding, and how the causes ultimately fail. Actually, maybe it could get its own poem?
But these pages remain blank

I often worry that soon it'll be too late,
My prime will pass with no climax,
I'll be left with thoughts that devastate Just how would your thoughts devastate? Maybe a bit of elaboration or direct example in place of this line.
Nothing to show for my hours spent

I got a script,
The doc said it would help,
It's done no good,
I'm simply ill-equipped You could tighten this stanza up into two lines, like maybe: "doc said this script would help/my wit remains unhoned" or something better.

Ah, a poem about not being able to create. A jest, if ever there was one.

Have you read any of the threads on meter in the poetry practice forum? A conscious attention to meter will always help.

Also, some of your terms are abstract. Specicially: absent-minded, prime, climax

You could tell us what you mean by those words, rather than use the words themselves.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Thanks for posting.

Mikey.

[billy]

the poem feels weak, i think it's because it feels to blasé it should feel real, not a manufactured poem which of course all poems are.

use of images often help lift poems.

i am uninspired
like a brick
an absent-minded brick...

take out any wasted words that do nothing.

worked right you can come up with some ierd and wonderful images to make sort of poem rock

"I am unproductive"

I want to do something great,
but I'm tired
I wish I had motivation to create,
but I'm absent-minded

My mind is a think tank
Racking up ideas
I try to let them bleed to paper
But these pages remain blank

I often worry that soon it'll be too late,
My prime will pass with no climax,
I'll be left with thoughts that devastate
Nothing to show for my hours spent

I got a script,
The doc said it would help,
It's done no good,
I'm simply ill-equipped