Unreliable Narrator

[newsclippings]

Edit V2:

This is the first time I’ve done this-
not.
No, the second time-
not.
I’ve got blisters under my eyes-
not.
Cancer in my teeth-
not.
Scraping coke stains off with used cigarette buds-
not.
I erupt over my stale, clogged sink.

.

I once had dreams of better—

------------------

Edit V1:

This is the first time I’ve done this.
No, the second time.

I’ve got blisters under my eyes,
cancer in my teeth.

Scraping coke stains off with used cigarette buds,
I erupt over my stale, clogged sink.

.

I [never] had dreams of better—

-----------------
The last line was:
I once had dreams of better—
-----------------

This is the first time I’ve done this.
Not
No, the second time.
not
I’ve got blisters under my eyes,
cancer where it hurts.
not
There’s something to be said about the used.
not
It’s weird knowing what I’ll accept.
not
I have dreams of better—
needed.

[serge gurkski]

,-) I buy it

Ohhhh wait a min.

[newsclippings]

,-) I buy it

Ohhhh wait a min.

Life gets more interesting when people lack trust.

[Leanne]

Love the concept and the doubt/ deliberate deception of the narrator -- my only suggestion would be that "hurts" might not be the best word, seems a bit wishy washy for such a short piece.

[newsclippings]

You might be right. I'll fiddle with some other phrases

[newsclippings]

Love the concept and the doubt/ deliberate deception of the narrator -- my only suggestion would be that "hurts" might not be the best word, seems a bit wishy washy for such a short piece.

I've completely changed it, though I think I like it better now.

[Leanne]

Very concise, I like it... but it does lack the uncertainty of the first version so the title is not quite fitting now. I like the title, so my suggestion would be to put in just one more contradiction.

[newsclippings]

How's that?

Hum. Now I'm just playing with it, unable to make decisions.

[Leanne]

Let it sit for a while. I'm trying to decide if that's gone too far the other way

[newsclippings]

You're right. If I keep looking at it I'm probably just going to scrap it completely.

[Leanne]

I will smack you round the earhole if you do. Virtually, of course.

[newsclippings]

OoOo. I can get into that.