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03-23-2013, 06:26 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-23-2013, 10:50 AM by Wjames.)
Energy and passion,
excitement weaves attraction.
A brilliant work,
a masterpiece
explored in true love fashion.
A kindly guise
put up in taste.
A brilliant light
that’s gone to waste.
Misnomered thoughts
on avant-garde.
Exploring plots
with disregard,
for clear-cut truths
it must be hard,
to take.
Our cartoon brains
can’t comprehend
the words she spins,
the twist; the end.
So gladly,
I walk out the door
and know my thoughts mean
nothing more,
than love.
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I'm a little to stoned to comment on this intellectually right now...But how I do love this. I will be back.
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Joined: Oct 2010
Hi Wjames,
I like this. Here are some comments for you. Just an opinion but I think you could pare this down quite a bit and be better off. Here's something you could do for instance:
(03-23-2013, 06:26 AM)Wjames Wrote: A brilliant light
that’s gone to waste.
Exploring plots
with disregard,
for clear-cut truths.
Our cartoon brains
can’t comprehend
the words she spins,
the twist; the end.
So gladly,
I walk out the door
and know my thoughts mean
nothing more,
than love.
Those are the essentials in my opinion. Just thoughts.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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(03-23-2013, 01:11 PM)tmanzano Wrote: I'm a little to stoned to comment on this intellectually right now...But how I do love this. I will be back.
giggle....bad boy
I absolutely think teaching is an act of love...for the students, for the future and also for the material being taught. Todd made some great suggestions, but in my mind, you should not omit a reference to the passion for your work and for the material. You can pare it down, but i think it should remain an impassioned ode.
