Can You Be A Man?

[PeaceGirl Wilkins]

I've seen you.
Naked and new.
Like a baby bird freshly due
in a starless night
Left you in a belligerent fright
because you knew
that birds were meant to fly.
But didn't know how to get to the sky.
Not knowing why.
Baby,
you needed help.

Learned to be a man
from street gang entrepreneurs
with saboteur mentalities.
Having no family
to make life feel like home,
you didn't know
about the catacomb waiting for us.
What our people couldn't discuss

But listen,
they had given us nothing to lose
and everything to prove.

You want to be a man?

Don't follow their plan.
Liquor. Guns. Drugs.
They're just sweeping us under their rugs.

Look.
I know we are lovers
from two different trees
but, I can't let you be plagued
with this disease.

We love you.
If not me,
or your race,
do this for her.
She may not know who you are,
but she'll know who you were.
I'm not saying you will die.

Baby,
we were meant for the sky
and even though you may not make it,
it's worth a try.

She can't live like this!
I refuse!
Our daughter is not just another pawn for them to use!

Long ago,
they planned our destinies
banking on our pedigrees
to have already taken care
of the "little black problem".
No,
they didn't think
that we would blossom.

So baby,
even if they didn't set our nests high enough
for us to stay in the sky long enough,
you have to fly.

We have to defy their theory.
Clear this dreary future
and remember this bleary past.

Create something that's bound to last
because we are going to fly.

Tame that wild blue yonder
so our kids will never have to ask why.

[NakedBear]

aI've seen you.
aNaked and new.
aLike a baby bird freshly due how does 'due' work here? The rest of the stanza has rhyme sprinkled through it, but not in a pattern that seems rigid. So with that in mind, maybe drop 'due'.
bin a starless night
bLeft you in a belligerent fright
abecause you knew
cthat birds were meant to fly.
cBut didn't know how to get to the sky.
cNot knowing why.
cBaby,
eyou needed help.

Learned to be a man
from street gang entrepreneurs
with saboteur mentalities.
Having no family
to make life feel like home,
you didn't know
about the catacomb waiting for us.
What our people couldn't discuss period

But listen,
they had given us nothing to lose maybe 'have' instead of 'had'
and everything to prove.

You want to be a man?

Don't follow their plan.
Liquor. Guns. Drugs.
They're just sweeping us under their rugs.

Look.
I know we are lovers
from two different trees
but, I can't let you be plagued
with this disease. might flow better without 'this'

We love you.
If not me, maybe inject 'for' here? Logically this say If I am not.
or your race,
do this for her.
She may not know who you are,
but she'll know who you were.
I'm not saying you will die.

Baby,
we were meant for the sky
and even though you may not make it,
it's worth a try.

She can't live like this!
I refuse!
Our child is not another pawn for them to use! Whoops. I deleted the original line here. But I offer in its place another I think flows nicely... I had meant to have them side by side. Oh well.

Long ago,
they planned our destinies
banking on our pedigrees
to have already taken care 'already' isn't good for flow
of the "little black problem".
No,
they didn't think
that we would blossom.

So baby,
even if they didn't set our nests high enough
for us to stay in the sky long enough,
you have to fly.

We have to defy their theory.
Clear this dreary future
and remember this bleary past.

Create something that's bound to last
because we are going to fly.

Tame that wild blue yonder
so our kids will never have to ask why.Maybe you could drop 'have to'. 'so our kids will never ask why' also implies that there is no need for them to do so. At least in my mind.

Thanks for the poem. I enjoyed it. There are bumpy parts in the lines that you should seek out and reorder, but it's not at all bad.

Mikey.

[softlyfalling]

On the whole, I have rarely read any poems that use vernacular syntax with such purpose. It is advice given with passion and love by a desperate lover to her man, trying to save him from himself, giving him reasons to become a new man. This would be awkward except as written. There are many details that you can edit for more power and effect. Lots of good feedback in Mikey's comment, to start with.
May I offer a couple of respectful suggestions?
what do you think of:

The starless nights
left you afraid
because you knew birds were meant to fly
but didn't know how
or why.
Baby,
you needed help.

and:
But listen,
they gave us nothing
so we have nothing to lose
and everything to prove.