Chances

[Bloggsworth]

.....

[milo]

--------Chances

--------It was one of those things
--------I should have practised;
--------like changing gear
--------without using the clutch,
--------riding a bike with no hands,
--------falling in love with no thought
--------for the consequences.

-------

What was one of those things?
Correct semi colon use maybe? I have to say, for me, nothing about this really works, the sentence fragment, the incorrect punctuation, the title.

milo

[justcloudy]

Bloggsworth,
I like your idea here, the thought is poignant, but of course, it's been done before. All in all this is a nice little read but nothing much about it sticks out. It reads almost like prose, especially at the start. Try to see if you can make the beginning stronger, and insert some unique wording/images to give it some punch.

[newsclippings]

It would have been cool if you dropped a syllable as you did with every line in the first three here:
It was one of those things -- 6
I should have practised; -- 5
like changing gear -- 4

into the last three. But that's just something I'd find cool.
I like the 6, 7, 7, 6 format you have going anywho.

I really enjoy the message, it hits home for those who are always cautious. Well done. I disagree with this needing a punch. The poem is dramatic and delightfully saddening (to me at least).

Thanks for this,
-S

[tectak]

Chances

It was one of those things
I should have practised;
like changing gear
without using the clutch,
riding a bike with no hands,
falling in love with no thought
for the consequences.

-------

Hi bloggs,
A very committed poem. I must say, I like this type of poem. Commitment verse does not lend itself to the over-long drag...this is a little gem of a piece. The final encapsulation of nostalgic regret echoes back from the first lines clearly.
No nits at all. Maybe a comma too far
Best,
tectak