Do you ever just feel crazy?

[softlyfalling]

A long line of psychiatrists tried to nail THAT sticky note to my forehead.
He who laughs last, laughs insanely.

I never feel crazy. Does that sound crazy?
tectak

Hmmmm......lie down on my couch, maam....yep....CRAZY!!!!!

[rowens]

I generally do feel better and happy when I'm far away from all the places and people I know. When I'm just out doing things, and staying awake as much as I can because I have nowhere to sleep. But when I meet new people, when I meet a woman and have to try to get a job and act like a social creature, people notice things about me that they don't feel comfortable about. And they usually don't want me around.

I don't think being happy or being social is very important. But for the people that insist on having a respectable job with lots of money and friends, and care what everybody's saying and thinking about them all the time, while raging with insanity and dreams of grandeur: they have a problem. And those people are the love of my life.

[justcloudy]

I found this thread yesterday and enjoyed it muchly ;p
A guy I knew in college was manic and made me happy I didn't have that side of depressive. My god how much energy he had when he was up. Generally my crazy gets relieved a bit by going from auto-rocking (as in, the comforting reminiscence of fetal movement, not the music) and tears into the spewage of long, scary, introspective poems. To spare you all, I've decided not to share them here. ;p
Anyway glad to know I'm in good company.

[newsclippings]

Golly. I used to be happy I couldn't cry.
Now I realize it's probably partly the reason for my bouts of mania.

I think my friends think I'm ok, which is what matters.

[softlyfalling]

Golly. I used to be happy I couldn't cry.
Now I realize it's probably partly the reason for my bouts of mania.

I think my friends think I'm ok, which is what matters.

That is altruistic, but probably not the case. More likely, the friends who love you pretend to think you are ok so that you will see yourself as ok when reflected in their eyes. That is what friends do, after all. Unlike poetry, love never needs to be corrected or critiqued. If it is genuine and pure.
I spent a very very long time without a single tear. But in all that time, I never once laughed. Or even smiled very often. I could feel not even feel physical pain...i was impervious to everything. Broken. Alone. But, of course, on the inside, i raged and suffered. In the end, it is much better to go ahead and cry.

[newsclippings]

I'm told I smile and laugh quite a bit. I'm not worried about that.

Sanity...
Well I'm not so much worried about that either.

Just the part where I identify with people, that's what peaks my interest.

[rowens]

So many people are ashamed of so many things. They don't want anyone to see them, they take the pills and lay in bed all day. I used to try to get them to go out do stuff with me, and they lay in bed with the phone and sometimes criticize me to others when I'm not around, that I just can't rest, that I'm crazy. So I don't talk to them any more. People with those problems often deflect problems on other people. I just let them deflect on me, it doesn't bother me. I don't care if people think I'm crazy, or stupid, or ugly, or all the insults used against me to change the subject from what I'm trying to talk about. I don't think there's anything shameful about any of those things anyway, even if they were true. And I just don't see the point of wanting things because not having them is shameful or embarrassing. I like people, but the only people I've been deeply involved with nag and nag and nag. "The house isn't big enough, the job is depressing and exhausting, friends don't tell the truth, and on and on and on..." And that drives them to drugs, or rage and hatred for other people, and a few even tried to kill themselves. Parents, other family, friends, women, all the people I've been close to have been complaining about this as long as I can remember. I feel bad because people always expect me to feel ashamed or that I'm supposed to be a disgrace to my family. But I don't want to be like them. I often speak with their voice in my writings, and I find the Hell we put each other through worthwhile. I care about them, I care about lots of things in this world. But I'm not ashamed of anything. There's nothing shameful about being happy or sad or depressed or psychotic or successful or a failure; those things are just things you work with and through. There's nothing wrong with being manic and full of energy. There's nothing wrong with being annoying. My friends and my family annoy me so much that I don't want to be around them very much. But I love them. I put up with them. They don't want to put up with me, but I don't care.

[justcloudy]

Rowens: if you ever wanna give a seminar on "how to not give a fuck" I'll gladly sign up.

I spent most of my teenage years not crying. Then I realized it helps. It releases pent-up energy and emotions, makes me feel vulnerable and powerful, like a child and like an ancient. So now I cry. Especially if I'm tired. But it wasn't easy to learn how to do it again.

[NakedBear]

Rowens: if you ever wanna give a seminar on "how to not give a fuck" I'll gladly sign up.

I spent most of my teenage years not crying. Then I realized it helps. It releases pent-up energy and emotions, makes me feel vulnerable and powerful, like a child and like an ancient. So now I cry. Especially if I'm tired. But it wasn't easy to learn how to do it again.

I spent most of my teen years crying. Well, most of my years crying. Nowadays I don't cry much over things that matter, and I feel better by not getting all wet faced. Instead I write poems and surf the internet well into the morning.

Those are time honoured coping strategies, yes?

Mikey.

[Regn]

There's much truth in "What goes up- must come down,"
and "The bigger they are- the harder they fall."

[rowens]

I never feel crazy, I just feel things that others would call me crazy for if I didn't call them crazy myself.

There was a man I used to know, he said "Do unto others as they'd do unto you, but do it first."

[Magpie]

I've enjoyed reading all these posts on this subject. I'm the first to admit that my mind can be a bit messed up, and I can also be a bit manic, but also for as long as I can remember Nature has always come to the rescue. Hopefully this doesn't sound like trippy advice from an ancient hippie, most of all because I'm only 38, but there's never been a time when I went to the forest or beach or mountain and left disappointed. And I also feel calmer immediately upon entering the forest, the colour green and stuff.
Also sorry to go on a bit but, the word "crazy" when used as an adjective can mean "devoted, eager, enamoured and enthusiastic" which is my kind of "crazy".

[rowens]

What's "devoted, eager, enamoured and enthusiastic" to some people is "consumed, impatient, obsessive and manic" to the people selling the meds. And the other people that get annoyed.

I'm just restless. And have a man's needs.

[newsclippings]

Lately I've been in a daze. I've been fidgeting so bad I've ripped the skin underneath my nails.

[Heartafire]

News, as a kid, I bit my fingernails. Someone told me it is a sign of self-hatred, I couldn't deal with that, so I stopped. I think it was actually anxiety. Hope you feel better very soon.
Heart

[Leanne]

I never have intact skin around my nails. They're only ever as long as they can manage to get before I can catch the edge with my teeth and rip it off. There are worse vices. Yeah, apparently it's some kind of self-mutilation thing but hey, could be worse. They're MY fingernails and I can rip the shit out of them if I want.

[Heartafire]

Here's to the right to self-mutilate, thing is it hurts like hell.

[Leanne]

I've had two children -- a bit of fingertip agony is just a bit of a thrill now and then

[newsclippings]

I don't even feel pain!

[Leanne]

I don't even feel pain!