I cascade into my darkest days, the reoccurring, it plagues me. I go forth, but to only be fallen back. I lack the courage, I lack the heart, I lack the intellect. Forsaken by this, who've I banished into my dreams? I hallucinate, and dream of a utopia where all things contour to the law of peace and prosperity. Silenced of my own tongue, my words do not travel but fall short of emphasis. Will you brace yourself? For what I may tell you, may silence many. I quiver from my own shadow, my body's movement is eminent, my thoughts are pre designated. The fight to alter said path only strays further from. I am no poet, but a pawn of linguistic tongue. I've fallen short, with nowhere to run but the edge of my very own demise. I must acknowledge and give in. I leap without hesitation, into my very own grave.
- Dean
This almost comes through. The artistic elements don't come off though. But the poetry is mounting there. This is one of those times when poetry explodes, but the artist doesn't clean up after himself. And I think that's a very decent way to handle art sometimes. Put it in its place, near the bottom. It can't stay there though. Poetry needs to pull it up with it, or it gets dragged down too.
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Hi Dean, I read this more as a narative than a poem. I like it very much.
"I lack the courage, I lack the heart, I lack the intellect",
I find nothing lacking in this piece, well done!
Heart
I accept all critique, I do not claim my words as poetic. Simply thoughts that need be let out in this kinda of manner.
Posts: 136
Threads: 28
Joined: Dec 2012
(03-16-2013, 04:26 AM)DeanMclain Wrote: I accept all critique, I do not claim my words as poetic. Simply thoughts that need be let out in this kinda of manner.
Hi Dean, I find this a fantastic piece of writing, I hope my comment reflected that sentiment.
my best!
