Child of Darkness

[Gemma Alonso]

HI all, I'm new here and not sure if I'm posting this in the right place... would like to know if you could tell how this poem sound to you? It's a translation from a poem in Spanish:

Child of Darkness

Darkness of parks and stays creates heroes

If they open eyelids of the fog

as green wings in the shadow of the bushes.


Heroes, illusions, which may not cross the night,

but they help cross it when it is shameful

of lips caressing on the mirrors.



The hero who stabbed the darkness

emerged from a rainy air,

covered in sparks by the fireworks,

and, going deep into dreams of glass,

it soaked their flesh and dress.


Illusion and conviction merge together

riding on golden steeds of spells and joy

far from the sea, where all was light

reflecting the jasmine we scattered

revealing the dawn.


thnks a lot!!!

[Todd]

Hello Gemma, welcome to the site! You had placed your post in another person's thread. I moved it to its own thread. When you enter the forum hit the "New Thread" button in the upper right when posting a new poem.

Again Welcome,

Todd

[Gemma Alonso]

Hello Gemma, welcome to the site! You had placed your post in another person's thread. I moved it to its own thread. When you enter the forum hit the "New Thread" button in the upper right when posting a new poem.

Again Welcome,

Todd

Thank you so much Todd
Let's see if someone can tell me how it sounds in English ....
;-)

[NakedBear]

Hi Gemma,

This sounds pretty good to me, except you could remove many of the words 'the' from it to make it read more smoothly.

I like the sound of it, but am not at all sure of its meaning. Maybe I should read it more closely... or I should get some sleep.

Thanks for posting.

EDIT: oh, I think I get it. A somewhat crazy person attacks two people with a knife. Is that close.
Mikey.

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please give feedback comensurate with the forum. no line bys in the novice forum please /admin

EDIT: right-o! Sorry.

[newsclippings]

why not keep it in spanish?