An Ode to Heartbreak
The moment the current passes through your body,
unflinching,
allows for a moment unparalleled in life.
Friends gather, drop everything, and,
if they are good,
just listen to the silence,
sometimes interrupted by tiny
or overwhelming
sobs.
Life gets quiet.
It’s ok to let the phone ring,
to unplug.
And to remember
That this, too, shall pass.
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Kind of reminds me of a Ok Go song. Probably because of the last line.
I'll be there in a minute.
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sometimes poems can be very siimalar to a songs structure but often they can work..enjoyed.
nice poem! the pauses and enjambment make it powerful
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not sure the last line works well enough to keep
and i struggled to make sense of the 'unflinching' line
enjoyed the whole image of the 2nd stanza. which i think captures the story really well. the rest of the poem worked well for me as well. just nits really as far as an edit is concerned.
thanks for the read.
(03-11-2013, 03:01 AM)sfsushi Wrote: An Ode to Heartbreak
The moment the current passes through your body,
unflinching,
allows for a moment unparalleled in life.
Friends gather, drop everything, and,
if they are good,
just listen to the silence,
sometimes interrupted by tiny
or overwhelming
sobs.
Life gets quiet.
It’s ok to let the phone ring,
to unplug.
And to remember
That this, too, shall pass.
Posts: 14
Threads: 4
Joined: Mar 2013
The flow is very nice! The pauses you placed in it greatly dramatize the effect that you're looking for.
This, too, shall pass.
I love that line, because it is so true and such comfort in situations of heartbreak. I like this poem, I understand the message completely. I personally find the word 'unflinching' confusing in an otherwise clear line. Good job overall.
