Just another !

[Moc]

Just another friend.
That is there for me.
Having some fun with me.
Sharing a glass of wine.
With some friend of mine.
Under a moonlight shine.

Just another day.
To feel loved by you.
To be the men for you.
Even when things go wrong.
We'll never feel wrong.
What we have is strong.

Just another place.
Were not that far away.
Closer than the moon.
Sharing the gravity.
Making sure we stay close.
Where ever we are.

Just another night.
Warmed by a lovely mind.
Loved by the strongest heart.
That I felt in love.
Over a glass of wine.
With some friend of mine.

Just another mind.
Never though to be more in love.
With something so small.
Which I help design.
With this wife of mine.
A few months ago.
When we confirmed our love.


PS. English is not my native language...

[Jamie]

Hi Moc
After reading this a few times I started to correct some English and fill in some words that in my opinion might be there if English was your first language. The More times I read it the more I liked it, however, the "just another" didn't work for me. I was waiting for "just another wife".

[Moc]

Hi Moc
After reading this a few times I started to correct some English and fill in some words that in my opinion might be there if English was your first language. The More times I read it the more I liked it, however, the "just another" didn't work for me. I was waiting for "just another wife".

Thanks a lot ! I'm wasn't sure about the just another neither, since it not fully positive, but I felt that it kind of set the tone, that we have lot of the same experience, but everytime we experience them, there something special that can come from it. So I decided to stick to it

As for the just another wife, I didn't want to make as I feel that it one of the thing that should be unique(I'm trying to think more positive ... But I kinda implied the wife and getting married in the last line.

One of the thing I wrote 'With this wife of mine' I'm not sure I like how it sound, but I feel it maybe posessive and detached at the same time, not sure if it appropriate...

But I think your right on the fact that maybe I should develop on this... But in true, this is more of something I'm inspiring too, than something I experienced... So harder to imagine a life long compagnion... And writing this last sentense, I guess this is what I should add at the end, Maybe "Just another end".

I'll probably rewrite the 'Just another place'. I feel like I went too fast and didn't polish it enough.

[Claire]

I think there is some repitition you could pull out like wine, me, and mine. In the beginning when you wrote wrong twice in a stanza it seemed a little redundant. Overall the poem was upbeat(:
p.s. It's interesting that you are writing poems in a language you aren't native to, I wish i could do that with Spanish!

[Moc]

Thanks a lot Claire for your comments !

I think there is some repitition you could pull out like wine, me, and mine.

The repeat of the 2 line with the wine was intentional. It was to link the friend part and that it lead to more and that it was that time that I felt in love... Maybe it was too stumble.
I'll try to find thing to replace 'me' and the final 'With this wife of mine' with something else.

In the beginning when you wrote wrong twice in a stanza it seemed a little redundant.

I though so too... But I didn't know what to put instead... But I though since the first one was negative, and the second positive, I though that reusing the same negative word in a positive way would be ok... But I'll try to find something better.

p.s. It's interesting that you are writing poems in a language you aren't native to, I wish i could do that with Spanish!

French(Canadian) is my native language... But I found it was easier to actually write in English even thought I don't master it.

Thanks again !