Emmett: Foxy

[brandontoh]

I seldom write in form, but this was a fun one to write. =) Here's a link to the form if you need it. Thanks for reading my poem!

http://bensonofjohn.co.uk/poetry/formsse...box=Emmett

Emmett - Foxy
Don't let your eyes deceive,
Let integrity be the one leading.
Your foxtail is clearly showing --
Eyes have a penchant for mischief;
Deceive me once more, and I'll stop forgiving!

[Leanne]

I'm not much of a fan of these gimmicky forms -- a few work reasonably well but I'm not convinced this is one of them. I do like your theme and I think you've made the most of what you're working with, although I don't consider "ing" -- the passive/unstressed syllable -- to be the one to rhyme with. If you've got an "ing", my suggestion will almost always be to go for a perfect double rhyme (leading/reading) or at the very least an off-rhyme (leading/fading).

Sorry I'm not being more supportive of this one, Brandon, it's just not doing a lot for me.

[brandontoh]

It's okay, thanks for the feedback Leanne! =) So the problems are with the form itself and my rhyming then. I'll think of better words. =)

[Bizzy]

I like it - clever and definitely fiendish - a challenge!