A stepping stone

[Amy]

I was going so fast
full speed ahead
wishing for the life in every book i ever read
I'm all grow up now, where did the years go
I wanted to grow up fast
know everything there was to know
a childhood's a stepping stone
a path you can never walk alone
there were times all i wanted was to stand
stand on my own two feet
always something stopping me
I was always;
to wrong to get it right,
to small to have that,
to young to go there,
All i ever heard was that i had alot to learn
They weren't always right but,
every little girl needs her mama and her daddy as a guiding light
There are pieces of you & pieces of me
coming together to make up every memory
I remember;
the small town that made me,
the little brother that aged me,
i'll never forget grandma's heart
and that old rocking horse that fell apart
the tree house that daddy built
and mama's paint stained clothes
memories i wouldn't trade for a thousand pounds of gold [/font]

[Todd]

Hi Amy,

Welcome to the site!

Here are some suggestions for your poem:

1) phrases like full speed ahead, stepping stone, and guiding light are cliches. If you've heard it before than it is likely something you should cut from your poetry.

2) This poem is made up more of statements and not as much grounded in figurative language. Here's an idea, what if the poem really used stepping stones, like the speaker was trying to leap across a creek stone by stone...could that become an extended metaphor to ground the poem?

3) You're attempting to rhyme without meter. I suggest checking out the poetry practices that use meter. Read through them and try some. This is something that takes practice to get good at.

I hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd

[Amy]

Thank you for the feedback. The poem always seemed a bit off, though perhaps part of the reason is that i always seemed to have had a country theme playing along with it. A collage of statements was however the general intentions, as strange as it may seem.

Hi Amy,

Welcome to the site!

Here are some suggestions for your poem:

1) phrases like full speed ahead, stepping stone, and guiding light are cliches. If you've heard it before than it is likely something you should cut from your poetry.

2) This poem is made up more of statements and not as much grounded in figurative language. Here's an idea, what if the poem really used stepping stones, like the speaker was trying to leap across a creek stone by stone...could that become an extended metaphor to ground the poem?

3) You're attempting to rhyme without meter. I suggest checking out the poetry practices that use meter. Read through them and try some. This is something that takes practice to get good at.

I hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd

[brandontoh]

Firstly, do think about breaking your poem into different stanzas. It makes it easier to read and also helps with the pacing of the whole poem.

Secondly, punctuation. Use more proper punctuation in your poem, and once again it helps with pacing. Also, being able to inject appropriate pauses help to further immerse readers into your poem.

The good points about your poem are the tone and the language employed. They are really apt and give this sweet, slightly nostalgic feeling to it, grammatical errors notwithstanding. The lack of punctuation gives it a little bit of a rushed feel, which I'm sure you aren't going for, and that's why I suggested adding it into your poetry.

Really good attempt despite the flaws. Remember, all my comments are personal opinion so take what you will, and toss what you don't need. Hope to see more from you, and hope I'm of help! =)

[Amy]

Thank you for the suggestions I never really think much about punctuation when I'm writing....A minor oversight on my part. LawLs love the signature

Firstly, do think about breaking your poem into different stanzas. It makes it easier to read and also helps with the pacing of the whole poem.

Secondly, punctuation. Use more proper punctuation in your poem, and once again it helps with pacing. Also, being able to inject appropriate pauses help to further immerse readers into your poem.

The good points about your poem are the tone and the language employed. They are really apt and give this sweet, slightly nostalgic feeling to it, grammatical errors notwithstanding. The lack of punctuation gives it a little bit of a rushed feel, which I'm sure you aren't going for, and that's why I suggested adding it into your poetry.

Really good attempt despite the flaws. Remember, all my comments are personal opinion so take what you will, and toss what you don't need. Hope to see more from you, and hope I'm of help! =)