Posts: 497
Threads: 83
Joined: Dec 2012
for Holly
Solilo-
quy
Queue you why?
I cry to myself these days,
having messed it all up again.
I am so perfect on this,
I want a prize.
You can’t beat me on that.
But you may try
while I am fixing your Brandy Alexander.
I am the devil of course
(and mostly to myself).
But from time to time,
every now and then
I need a woman
just to feel like other men[/i].*
My lover’s standing in the line.
The girls queue up
and I am SO sorry to decline.
I will pretend
keeping out of mischief**
from now on
till in your bed again.
-----------------
* Stole that from the lyrics of Mingus’ Devil Blues, which is worth to be listening to, too.
** another song by D Krall
(Oh heaven: Jazz is my Zen)
This is to Jazz Candy Diana Krall's you call it madness
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(02-03-2013, 08:28 PM)serge gurkski Wrote: for Holly
Solilo-
quy
Queue you why?What? QUY? What meaneth this?
I cry to myself these days,
having messed it all up again.
I am so perfect on this,
I want a prize.This seems to me to be truthful...if anything it is too soul-illuminating.....but that is what you are about. So the hell with my nits
You can’t beat me on that.No stop here
But you may try ....so no capital here. Choose yourpause after "....try". Comma, semi-colon or colon
while I am fixing your Brandy Alexander.
I am the devil of courseYou are sticking in way too many "buts" an "ands". Soliloquies are invariably thoughts well formed rather than peregrinations. I know what you are saying and I can empathise with the thoughts...I do not, therefore, need to feel the character "excusing" himself. It is a soliloquy. The character can "think" unimpeded thoughts.
(and mostly to myself).
But from time to time,
every now and then
I need a woman
just to feel like other men[/i].*
My lover’s standing in the line.
The girls queue up
and I am SO sorry to decline.This is not in keeping with the piece but MAY be in keeping with the character. I have a problem with you, serge. I keep hearing YOU
I will pretend
keeping out of mischief**
from now on
till in your bed again.
No real agonies over this one, serge. Terse-verse, to be sure. I think you could say more because I think you want to. I get a feeling of suppression over expression. If I was feeling kind, I could accept that you achieved your purpose. You leave me, always, unsure of who you are. Some of my best friends are German....so it can't be that Ah, how I pine for new wine beside the Rhine.
Best,
tectak
* Stole that from the lyrics of Mingus’ Devil Blues, which is worth to be listening to, too.
** another song by D Krall
(Oh heaven: Jazz is my Zen)
This is to Jazz Candy Diana Krall's you call it madness
Posts: 497
Threads: 83
Joined: Dec 2012
wow, tec.
I was sweating. It seems I made it right for you. I dig that (seriously).
and I thought i could fit your bill.
Thank you for reading and commenting. It's aprreciated and I ll look into this one again (soon).
cheers!
serge
the first line is just foolin around with this strange word: solilqueue (spelling?) which is verbal masturbation, whic is ok with me though it is a tad sad because women don't listen anymore to me. What can I do? Get a dog?
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(02-03-2013, 10:49 PM)serge gurkski Wrote: wow, tec.
I was sweating. It seems I made it right for you. I dig that (seriously).
and I thought i could fit your bill.
Thank you for reading and commenting. It's aprreciated and I ll look into this one again (soon).
cheers!
serge
the first line is just foolin around with this strange word: solilqueue (spelling?) which is verbal masturbation, whic is ok with me though it is a tad sad because women don't listen anymore to me. What can I do? Get a dog?
No serge, get a bitch....otherwise people may talk!
Best,
tectak
Posts: 497
Threads: 83
Joined: Dec 2012
nuffin but a bitch
I don't need penises, phalluses? in my face ( however you spell that). But I am serious despite typos.
i go for bitches I love them. I am their hound dog and they are warm.
And needy like me.
