Seasons Of Love

[nothing_good16]

Hearts generate warmth fueling on faith but,
our hearts have lost their hope,
they grope the cold to be jungle fevered.

Not knowing what to expect,
they dissect their beings agreeing to the kamikaze flights
on planes called love.
Declaring the world theirs
until the holes acquired (from attacks) institute the fall.

After they had given their all,
they are left.

Alone.

Forgetting who cast the first stone.
But, the leafs are gone now.
Allowing them to bow into the deepest depression.
With whispers of legend riding the wind
waiting for us to mend the void,
the cold freezes to below zero.

Searching for a hero,
they weaken.
Ignoring the beacon to rest.

Still climbing,
not knowing the depths of these holes,
they empty their souls,
until someone encourages hope to spring forward.
Reproducing warmth.
Introducing love, again
to help us remember when it was real.

Not mythical
but mystical,
and real.

Marry him.

[brandontoh]

When, --Is this line really needed?

Hearts generate warmth fueling on faith but,
our hearts have lost their hope,
they grope the cold to be jungle fevered. -- I'd cut down on some words. For example, 'Hearts fueling on faith' I think makes it more compact and still gets the message across. Also, I don't really get what you're trying to say with the last line. The image doesn't really link up, and while I have a vague idea, it's not clear. Is that what you're going for perhaps?

Not knowing what to expect,
they dissect their beings agreeing to the kamikaze flights -- Good metaphor. The image here is nice, which I think makes up for the last line of the previous stanza. You've answered the doubts in my mind quite well here. I really like this line.
on planes called love. -- This line in my opinion is not needed. It's already fairly obvious that it's love, and explicitly stating it just leaves no room for imagination. Sometimes being subtle is the way to really leave an impact, and I think this here is the place to do it.
Enjoying the extreme altitudes -- This line is too 'telling'. Try something that show what it's like to enjoy being on extreme heights. For example, 'They own the world, in that moment' or something along those lines.
and tasting the foreign foods,
until the oles acquired (from attacks) institute the fall.

After they had given their all,
they are left naked. -- Cut down the excess here. You only need the second line, or you can reword the first one to give it some oomph.

Alone. -- I like this.

Forgetting who cast the first stone.
But, the leafs are gone now.
Allowing them to bow into the deepest depression.
With whispers of legend riding the wind
waiting for us to mend the void,
the cold freezes to below zero. -- Nice imagery here, but be careful. Just a little more and it could have become confusing. Rich imageries are nice, but don't overdo it.

Searching for a hero,
they weaken.
Ignoring the beacon to rest. -- Quite a nice stanza actually. You quite cleverly made a cliche not cliche.

Still climbing,
not knowing the depths of these holes,
they empty their souls,
until someone encourages hope to spring forward.
Reproducing warmth.
Introducing love, again
to help us remember when it was real. -- In my opinion, this stanza is quite redundant. It's too cliche, and too 'telling'. It ruins the imageries that you built up in the rest of the poem. The stanza is too explicit, it's too literal. Your last line says more than enough already, there's no need to explain yourself here.

Not mythical
but mystical,
and real.

Marry him. -- Great finish. It's 2 words that say a lot more than that.
Overall, I had a really enjoyable read. Thanks for that. Really like your poem. =) Also, do remember that my feedback are my personal opinion, so take what you need, and just ponder upon the rest. Hope I'm of help. =)

[nothing_good16]

When, --Is this line really needed?

Hearts generate warmth fueling on faith but,
our hearts have lost their hope,
they grope the cold to be jungle fevered. -- I'd cut down on some words. For example, 'Hearts fueling on faith' I think makes it more compact and still gets the message across. Also, I don't really get what you're trying to say with the last line. The image doesn't really link up, and while I have a vague idea, it's not clear. Is that what you're going for perhaps?

Not knowing what to expect,
they dissect their beings agreeing to the kamikaze flights -- Good metaphor. The image here is nice, which I think makes up for the last line of the previous stanza. You've answered the doubts in my mind quite well here. I really like this line.
on planes called love. -- This line in my opinion is not needed. It's already fairly obvious that it's love, and explicitly stating it just leaves no room for imagination. Sometimes being subtle is the way to really leave an impact, and I think this here is the place to do it.
Enjoying the extreme altitudes -- This line is too 'telling'. Try something that show what it's like to enjoy being on extreme heights. For example, 'They own the world, in that moment' or something along those lines.
and tasting the foreign foods,
until the oles acquired (from attacks) institute the fall.

After they had given their all,
they are left naked. -- Cut down the excess here. You only need the second line, or you can reword the first one to give it some oomph.

Alone. -- I like this.

Forgetting who cast the first stone.
But, the leafs are gone now.
Allowing them to bow into the deepest depression.
With whispers of legend riding the wind
waiting for us to mend the void,
the cold freezes to below zero. -- Nice imagery here, but be careful. Just a little more and it could have become confusing. Rich imageries are nice, but don't overdo it.

Searching for a hero,
they weaken.
Ignoring the beacon to rest. -- Quite a nice stanza actually. You quite cleverly made a cliche not cliche.

Still climbing,
not knowing the depths of these holes,
they empty their souls,
until someone encourages hope to spring forward.
Reproducing warmth.
Introducing love, again
to help us remember when it was real. -- In my opinion, this stanza is quite redundant. It's too cliche, and too 'telling'. It ruins the imageries that you built up in the rest of the poem. The stanza is too explicit, it's too literal. Your last line says more than enough already, there's no need to explain yourself here.

Not mythical
but mystical,
and real.

Marry him. -- Great finish. It's 2 words that say a lot more than that.
Overall, I had a really enjoyable read. Thanks for that. Really like your poem. =) Also, do remember that my feedback are my personal opinion, so take what you need, and just ponder upon the rest. Hope I'm of help. =)

Thanks a lot for the feedback!! I was just wondering did you catch on to why I titled this poem "Seasons of Love"?

[brandontoh]

Because it's like going from autumn to winter, both in reality and in the heart? =x I'm sorry, I don't think I caught that.

[nothing_good16]

Because it's like going from autumn to winter, both in reality and in the heart? =x I'm sorry, I don't think I caught that.

okay. lol. just wanted to make sure that I portrayed it well enough. thanks!
It also was meant to be all of the seasons. the first part is Summer, hence the talk of heat. Then autumn, winter, and spring. maybe, I should strengthen the other two seasons' presences. lol. Thanks a lot!! :-)

[jonathan1787]

i really like the imagery you used in this poem highlighting the highs & lows when it comes down to love...you did a great job...