Gods Plan

[Hidrolic]

They told me that God had a plan
To bless me on my walk as a man
I tried to believe man as hard as I can
But I can't understand
I heard the words in church as I stand
A death grip with my bible in my hand
I was open I was well receptive
The pastor was well respected
He told me "young man believe, accept it!"
I had my own views even though his was a swell perspective
Church wasn’t for me I felt rejected
I felt subjected to a way of life I didn’t feel connected
I have to follow my heart I got to
As hard as I tried I didn’t feel the gospel
To me the spirits didn’t reveal apostles

[rowens]

The rhymes are very forced on this one. It seems too simplistic. On one hand you're painting a simplistic picture; and that's fine. But what more, if anything, would you like to accomplish with it?

[Jae Mc Donnell]

this for me is just ok. It all seems a bit forced. It's a good subject, with lots you could do with it.

[brandontoh]

They told me that God had a plan
To bless me on my walk as a man
I tried to believe man as hard as I can
But I can't understand
I heard the words in church as I stand
A death grip with my bible in my hand
I was open I was well receptive
The pastor was well respected
He told me "young man believe, accept it!"
I had my own views even though his was a swell perspective
Church wasn’t for me I felt rejected
I felt subjected to a way of life I didn’t feel connected
I have to follow my heart I got to
As hard as I tried I didn’t feel the gospel
To me the spirits didn’t reveal apostles

Some of the rhymes feel really forced. Unless you're trying to write in a specific form, I do suggest no trying to force lines to rhyme. Also, try to introduce punctuation into your poetry. This helps with the pacing of the poem and also to inject some more depth to it. Overall I do enjoy the poem, but the forced rhymes make it sound kind of cheesy. Hope I'm of help. =)

[Leanne]

This user was banned for non-compliance with feedback requirements after repeated warnings. The thread will now be closed. Thank you to all who commented here/ admin