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In any case, other than this one, you'd be correct. With any word other than a personal pronoun in the present tense, it is not "lacks."
The conjugation for "lack" is "lacks" when it is used with a personal pronoun in the present tense. "Daring" is the subject, it is replaced by "it" as a pronoun, unless the word is conjunctive (and it isn't here), so "lacks" is the correct word to use.
Won't be seeing you through the field of tears I left behind
So: Daring lacks, by much.
The syntax is screwed up to force the rhyme.
And, Daring in his lack would have meant: Daring in his lack....
Lack of... (fill in the space): better ways to say things, a better relationship with the girl.
Daring, by much, lacks?
Does that get the meaning you want?
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Okay guys, besides the lack/lacks situation...
Give me ideas to improve it and tell me what you think about the edited first stanza.
Are you against using periods and other things that would guide it better?
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No, just really bad with commas.
Like a drop in its delicate descent
towards the rigid ground;
yet like a mountain top which never bends,
thick and rarely downed
If you used semicolons to jump from description to description, that might work. And that way you wouldn't have to use the "yet like".
It's funny that it seems you're talking about yourself the whole time. That's not bad though. Comparing yourself to the rose, and not her. So it's not in danger of being called cliche.
Prowess to speak, declare
around her breaks and cracks;
set ablaze, a potent flare;
daring, by much, lacks;
It's still kind of awkward. But the content is describing that awkward problem itself. So you just have to fiddle around, and see if it starts to work.
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Okay. Since I was just enlightened I was talking about me not her most of the poem(oops), I decided to put another stanza in:
Sentiment I now assert
with line and word
as my mouth may distort
but my writing remains unblurred
For her, that stirrs up my emotions
and makes me feel like a water drop
her, who controls my notions
and is in my thoughts non-stop
A question, now, about to follow
for a girl divine
your hand, may I borrow
on this year's Valentine?
Does 'she' or 'her' go in those two spots? 'For her', or 'for she'? With that, I usually don't pay attention to what's correct in such cases. Something you can look into.
I think 'stirs' has one 'r'.
Is there any set metre you're going for? Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. If not, you could have:
...that stirs my emotions... without "up". Your decision.
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Indeed, stirs does have one r, thank you.
I have no metre, I really just write what I feel sounds best. I will, however, replace the second verse to something else other than a water drop.
For her/she situation - I'm not really sure. I think it's ''for her''.
Yeah with the stanza before it, 'Sentiment' and 'writiing' for her
but the second 'her'?
Though without periods, things get confused. As to what you mean. If there is no period, then it's still the same sentence, and 'for her' makes sense; but is it the same sentence continuing over to the next stanza? Or at least the same thought?
Because it seems confused so far as to whether or not your writing is unblurred for her. Maybe you're making a bold and valiant assumption; and that's not bad either.
See what I mean about how we get verbose...
I'll look at it again tomorrow.
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For her, sentiment I now assert
with line and word
as my mouth may distort
but my writing remains unblurred
For her, that stirs up my emotions
and makes my heart race like a drop
her, who controls my notions
and is in my thoughts non-stop
A question, now, about to follow
for you, a girl divine
your hand, may I borrow
on this year's Valentine?
I do see, indeed  I will work on commas and punctuation after I get the wording and forms right. I want this to be as perfect as possible ;D
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Well, again it's a matter for conjugation (sorta). By the way, I'd recommend looking up a website, I just did a quick search and found a decent looking one, just in case you're curious about future verbs. People often forget about it, but conjugation is very important and we use it every time we write or talk. I had a friend (smart guy, in most cases) who told me English didn't have conjugated verbs. He was wrong, oddly enough. He also thought Allah was only the God of Islam though, so maybe I give him too much credit.
Anyways, to answer the actual question being discussed:
"Her" is an object, and "she" is a subject. Basically, if she is the one doing it, she is the subject. If she is the one having something done to her, she is the object. You can have multiple of each, of course, so don't just look for one. Typically, in a well-built sentence, the subject will be on the left of the verb, and object on the right. You will occasionally find them switched, especially when creative license is taken. But rarely are they on the same side of the verb, if ever.
In the first line, you are asserting your sentiment for her.
(You might be tempted to think only one is the object, but it's important to separate them. It's your sentiment, not hers. So you're asserting it, for her.)
Second time, she is stirring up your emotions.
Oh, and in the unmentioned third time, she controls your emotions.
Won't be seeing you through the field of tears I left behind
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I think I get it now.
Will fix it in the whole poem as soon as I have time, thank you
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Okay guys, updated version with punctuation and fixed grammar (I think):
Like a drop in its delicate descent
towards the rigid ground;
a mountain top, which never bends
thick and rarely downed.
A rose, so grand and pliant,
deflective in the wind,
yet the roots defiant
the flower's core rescind.
Prowess to speak, declare,
around her breaks and cracks.
Set ablaze, a potent flare,
daring, by much lacks.
Knees shake and shoulders shiver.
All thoughts depart.
Like a leaf into a river
by the fast-paced beat of my heart.
In her presence, a mind obtuse
and courage chooses to abscond.
Reason proclaims that it's no use
but heart, near stars and far beyond.
For her, sentiment I now assert
with line and word,
as my mouth may distort
but my writing remains unblurred.
For her, that stirs up my emotions
and makes my heart race like a drop;
she, who controls my notions
and is in my thoughts non-stop.
A question, now, about to follow
for you, a girl divine.
Your hand, may I borrow
on this year's Valentine?
What is rescinding? The roots?
A rose, so grand and pliant,
deflective in the wind,
yet the roots defiant
the flower's core rescind.
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A rose is grand and bends in the wind; yet it never fully moves from its position because the roots, to wind defiant, rescind the core, aka, the leaves and whatever is above the roots. Rescind = http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rescind
AKA, it's capable of adapting but it stands its ground.
The "core" is probably going to cause a lot of confusion.
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Possibly but I can't think of another word.
Otherwise, is it good to go?
P.S.: Could you C&C this: http://pigpenpoetry.com/Thread-Deception...#pid112801
I will. I'm trying to get in a better mood for reading.
My head gets foggy sometimes.
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(01-22-2013, 06:46 AM)Pigler Wrote: Possibly but I can't think of another word.
Otherwise, is it good to go?
P.S.: Could you C&C this: http://pigpenpoetry.com/Thread-Deception...#pid112801
Before you ask for people to comment on your poems, perhaps you could try commenting on threads other than your own/ admin
It could be worse
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