--advice--
#1
this is a practice exercise from Billy's thread use simile or metaphor or both. here


--advice--

The other day I met an old geezer on the plonk.
a visitor from the time rocks were made I recon.
A withered face, like a month old eggplant
sat sopping up his collection of beers.

The thing that struck me was his careful stare,
age hadn't yet robbed his gaze.
those eyes, an ocean of knowing
lapped gently at the pub's edges.

His offer was made, with a friendly look
a few old-man words to adorn my ears,
"son, time is simply that feeling you get
when your breaks fail while you're gassing it

you might die tomorra.. or in ten years,
But a year is just a fag-break.
there's no hand-rail left for you to grab
when you're falling off your bones.

so make sure that when you're me,
a dinosaur on the piss
that you've made peace with extinction,
because them meteors coming to get you."
If something happens and you can remedy it, Why worry?
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?

www.benjack.co.nz
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#2
Hey Ben,
Thanks for reminding me, I need to work on mine.

"so make sure that when you're me,
a dinosaur on the piss
that you've made peace with extinction,
because them meteors coming to get you."

I really like that sentiment. I can see the metaphor in the first stanza, that comparison is unforgettable.
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#3
Cheers for the comments Ash.
Yeah you do need to work on yours! I want to see it Tongue
If something happens and you can remedy it, Why worry?
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?

www.benjack.co.nz
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#4
I think this works pretty well, as both an exercise and a poem. The only thing I would criticize is that the imagery seems kind of all over the place. Maybe if there were a theme to the imagery you used it would please me more. Tongue
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