Posts: 22
Threads: 6
Joined: Nov 2012
Your love fell on me like rain after drought
So, thirsty and parched, I drank you in.
Green shoots in my soul sprang out of the dark
A harvest of love, reap from my heart.
Full, ready and ripe I wait for the scythe
Come gather the fruit that’s yours by right
Posts: 109
Threads: 11
Joined: Jul 2012
Hey Bizzy
An eloquent approach to love. I love the imagery its simple but insightful to the power of love. My only critique would be to cut the excess words like So in line 2, sprang out of the dark in line 3 (its a good thought, but in my opinion it doesnt offer anything to the overall image) and the last line I would rephrase it to say something like "gather your fruit" or whatever you can come up with, just something stronger and more "poetic"
A harvest of love is beautiful, to me that can have many meanings like love growing or healthy love or even a lot of love.
A really sweet poem in my opinion.
Posts: 212
Threads: 31
Joined: Jan 2013
This is a short and sweet love poem. It's eloquent, and not overly bombastic. The only gripe I have is with "rain after drought", which to me seems to scream desperation. I'll maybe go with something like "a timely rain".
Back!
Already been pointed out the few areas I would tighten up.
'Rain after drought' seems a little heavy handed and slightly clichéd.
There a few words you could prune.
Outside of that I enjoyed the read it flowed very nicely with good imagery.
Poppy ~xx~
