Haiku attempt two

[Jae Mc Donnell]

Blossoms fall like a spring shit
Then stick to our shoes
like a pet dogs sap

[cidermaid]

Hi Jae,
Not sure how firmly the rules need to be adhered to. You have the right overall syllable count (17) but the normal progression is 5-7-5 (You have 7-5-5)...this is Billy's bag tho' so I'm sure he will let us both know.

As an image this one did not really work for me, as it took something i normall associate with beauty and effectivly profaned it. Although it was an interesting perspective. (Falling blossom petals as abundant as dog shit).

(Sorry!...but I did really like your money's troubles post. )

AJ

[billy]

Blossoms fall like a spring shit
Then stick to our shoes
like a pet dogs sap

it's more of senryu jae, i wouldn't overly worry about the syllable count, though the 575 format is handy guide to work to till you get the hang of keeping it as tight as possible.

a haiki doesn't really use poetic device. (words like 'like' create a simile. )

Blossom nectar falls
sticks to the souls of my shoes
spring shit

just an example cos it was easier than explaining it .