The island of the lost and found

[Keith]

Proud to play in concrete and glass
trapped by turmoil and toil
blink to catch myself
Club Tropicana calls to me
my mind breaks, applied
blink again and miss myself

This time I spend with comets tail
Men utter wasted hours
mused of Plato and Jackie Collins
my thoughts too easily read
quick shift comes the horizon
never missed, wondered about

Reality wakes within a dream
or so it would seem
worried you ponder my post
on your shoulders I dance
this hour is fine
and my rhymes will shine

[cidermaid]

Hi TOMH I really liked this one. There was something in there that caused me to keep re-reading and pondering on your words.
I thought the title was great and placed me well into the poem subject. Sorry I'm a bit short on time to do this justice but i'll give what I have for now and will be intrested to see what the others think.

The island of the lost and found
Proud to play in concrete and glass -- Nice assonance in L1&2 and a solid feeling to introduce the subject,
trapped by turmoil and toil -- with a nice switch of perspective from the speaker to bring in the dream state.
blink to catch myself
Club Tropicana calls to me ---Not so sure if the, to me is needed on the end of this line,or perhaps just take out the to.
my mind breaks, applied -- liked this line,
blink again and miss myself -- but then could not make this one flow as I read. Think perhaps the repitition of myself was not working for me. tentitive suggestion: blink again, descending mist. (but like meaning of your words better...so perhaps not)

This time I spend with comets tail
Men utter wasted hours -- no problems with this stanza
mused of Plato and Jackie Collins -- loved the contrast of reading material.
my thoughts too easily read
quick shift comes the horizon
never missed, wondered about

Reality wakes within a dream
or so it would seem --nice
worried you ponder my post
on your shoulders I dance -- thought this was clever imagery.
this hour is fine
and my rhymes will shine -- not entirly convinced about the last line but no help or suggestions to offer at this point.

Sorry not got much to offer by way of comments or help. But I really like this thanks for the read.

[billy]

hi tomh, i'm struggling to tie the title to the poem

Proud to play in concrete and glass i like the line but want to know why the pride
trapped by turmoil and toil
blink to catch myself
Club Tropicana calls to me is to me needed?
my mind breaks, applied this feels odd but i like the word play. a suggestion would be; 'my mind, brakes applied and have blinks again, start the next line instead of blink and 'i' instead of 'and'
blink again and miss myself

This time I spend with comets tail comet's (i think)
Men utter wasted hours
mused of Plato and Jackie Collins
my thoughts too easily read is my and too needed?
quick shift comes the horizon
never missed, wondered about

Reality wakes within a dream
or so it would seem
worried you ponder my post
on your shoulders I dance
this hour is fine
and my rhymes will shine this feels forced, is it needed?

apart from a few nits it's fine, but i would have liked to see it better tied together. in places it brings me up short and leaves me wondering to much as to what's actually being said.

thanks for the read