The Rape of Intelligence

[Keith]

There was a young boy called John,
who vandalised cars for fun,
he would scratch them with keys,
kick in panels to please,
and that’s how his storey begun.

There was a mad dad called Dave,
who thought he could tell John, behave,
but each night at one,
he lost sight of his son,
blinded by drink in a rage.

There was a good neighbour called George,
who was changing the clutch on his Ford,
now John was there,
and beginning to care,
he asked questions and never got bored.

There was a glum mum called Marg
who belts John and takes it too far
leave this man alone
and get yourself home
you’re too stupid to work on a car.

[billy]

that's a sad fucking poem. my only nit is that the 1st line of the last needs another half foot. other than that i liked it. unexpected end that i can related to.

[benthejack]

wow steamroller of a poem!
I really appreciate the full turn this forced on my view of the character, the last verse was like whiplash.
My one comment is the use of "young ...." in the first two verses, maybe could think of some other adjective for the dad?

[Todd]

Sort of reminds me of Oingo Boingo's Only a Lad. I don't have any real issues with these connected limericks. It's a sad, and probably too common cycle.

[arbil_poieo]

I like how it's a story with brief descriptions of each person. A very powerful message.

[Arriedo]

i enjoyed it and loved how you tied it all together

[Leanne]

A couple of tiny little meter issues, but in limericks the meter is less important than the overall rhythm so these do smooth out on reciting. I'm not super keen on "a mum called Ma", I think that could probably be improved, but I loved the story and think you've done a terrific job marrying poem and title.

[Keith]

thanks for all your comments I have had a mess with it. Ive wanted to have a go at limerick for ages but couldn't find the words.