Dickens Bicentennial - A parting poem

[Bloggsworth]

Revision:

Great Expectations

Slough off sour savoured virginity
discard false weeds of widowhood,
fairest Miss Havisham, come lie with me.

I greet you with no sense of pity,
nor do I wish to be misunderstood
but, do slough off ill-favoured virginity

it’s time for you to live again and see
that to love once more could do you good
if, dear Miss Havisham, you lie with me.

Give your body to the moment, and be
easy in my fond embrace, then you should
unshackle long harboured virginity

and cast aside your misplaced misandry.
Feel now the flush of new lost maidenhood,
come now Miss Havisham, and lie with me.

Break the ice which traps your spirit - We
two may find love, if only you would
slough off sour savoured virginity
dearest Miss Havisham and lie with me.


Great Expectations

Slough off sour savoured virginity
discard false weeds of widowhood,
fairest Miss Havisham, come lie with me.

I greet you with no sense of pity,
nor do I wish to be misunderstood
but, do slough off ill-favoured virginity

it’s time for you to live again and see
that to love once more could do you good
if, dear Miss Havisham, you lie with me.

Give your body to the moment, and be
easy in my fond embrace, then you should
unshackle long harboured virginity

and cast aside your misplaced misandry.
Feel now the flush of new lost maidenhood,
beautiful Miss Havisham, lie with me.

Smash the ice which grips your soul and we
two may find love, if only you would
slough off sour savoured virginity
dearest Miss Havisham and lie with me.

[Leanne]

I do love a villanelle, and I enjoy what you've done with the refrains here -- it's a brave man who ventures between those cobwebby thighs! The redemption of this fabled spinster is a terrific idea for a poem (although I'm not convinced that a mere tumble with Mr Dickens would do the trick).

The rhymes are gentled by your conversational (albeit rather elegant) tone and the shifting refrain softens the form well. I found "beautiful Miss Havisham" (S5, L3) a little harsh on the ear and I'm not keen on "grips your soul" in S6 L1, but that may be simply the cringe I've developed after too much emo poetry

This was a great read, thanks very much!

[Bloggsworth]

That was the 30th rewrite over 2 years - I'll get it right one day!

[Leanne]

Haha, we're only poets once and then editors forever after

[billy]

Hi bloggsworth.

good to see you posting. great start with the ville. i'm sure you never intended it but the title works perfectly (parting poem)(parting havisham) not a lot to comment on apart from saying it's a sturdy well written poem of the form. i like the adjustments in the refrains and the rhyme is effective. i'm not a dickens fan but this is enjoyable.

thanks for the read.

Revision:

Great Expectations

Slough off sour savoured virginity
discard false weeds of widowhood,
fairest Miss Havisham, come lie with me. i'm not sure, is it lay or lie, lie works on more than one level

I greet you with no sense of pity,
nor do I wish to be misunderstood
but, do slough off ill-favoured virginity

it’s time for you to live again and see
that to love once more could do you good
if, dear Miss Havisham, you lie with me.

Give your body to the moment, and be
easy in my fond embrace, then you should
unshackle long harboured virginity

and cast aside your misplaced misandry.
Feel now the flush of new lost maidenhood,
come now Miss Havisham, and lie with me.

Break the ice which traps your spirit - We
two may find love, if only you would
slough off sour savoured virginity
dearest Miss Havisham and lie with me.


Great Expectations

Slough off sour savoured virginity
discard false weeds of widowhood,
fairest Miss Havisham, come lie with me.

I greet you with no sense of pity,
nor do I wish to be misunderstood
but, do slough off ill-favoured virginity

it’s time for you to live again and see
that to love once more could do you good
if, dear Miss Havisham, you lie with me.

Give your body to the moment, and be
easy in my fond embrace, then you should
unshackle long harboured virginity

and cast aside your misplaced misandry.
Feel now the flush of new lost maidenhood,
beautiful Miss Havisham, lie with me.

Smash the ice which grips your soul and we
two may find love, if only you would
slough off sour savoured virginity
dearest Miss Havisham and lie with me.

[addy]

Love the title

What an enjoyable piece... great re-imagining, and the almost businesslike stiff-upper-lip tone made it surprisingly endearing when the romance shone through. I found a few of the phrases a bit heavy on the tongue ("Slough of sour savoured", though the alliteration is golden) but I think they suit the style of the poem. Nicely done.