The life of a Schizophrenic Gold Fish

[Thomas.c.Batten]

We’re two silent fishes and all we do,
is just float about, just me and you,
in a tank of fishes, we’re just the two,
to contemplate all the what and who,
with deceitful fingers pointing us to,
the outside of the box thinking too,
like any fish trapped, like me and you,
somewhere between the old and new,
you, swim and be free, break on through!

We’re two silent fishes and all we rue,
are the days now lost in what we do,
chains around us with nothing new,
in need of a pickup prompt, or any cue,
we’re floating in a fish box made by you,
to break this is the very least you can do,
we’re two silent fishes and all we can do,
is try and forget every one (elephant) two.

[penguin]

Hello Thomas. I guess the elephant means something, though not to me just yet. I'm quite fond of repetitive rhyme but I did find myself crying Enough. And all those commas! Half of them aren't necessary and you could do with a few semi-colons really. 'Scuse the liberty.

We’re two silent fishes and all we do
is just float about, just me and you,
in a tank of fishes, we’re just the two
to contemplate all the what and who,
with deceitful fingers pointing us to
the outside of the box thinking too,
like any fish trapped, like me and you,
somewhere between the old and new;
you, swim and be free, break on through!

chains around us with nothing knew, - knew or new?

[Todd]

Hi Thomas,

A couple comments for you:

You've got one of the best titles I've seen in awhile. The downside of that is that it sets a high bar for the poem. As it is now it has a twisted Dr Suess feel even a Horton moment with the elephant that remembers. I wonder if you went into the mind of the fish and went more first person point of view what this could be. It may not make it better, but I think it might.

Just some thoughts.

Best,

Todd