capital-ism

[Thomas.c.Batten]

Well my thoughts got angry and my eyes got red,
They strained from the endless lies that I’ve read,
Nothing makes sense from all that they’ve said,
How come I saw homeless men steal some bread?

In London, the great capital,
You’re just a tool for the great capital!

Well I’ve tried to ignore and I’ve tried to delete,
But all the inequality I see it’s no mean feat,
We need this to end, we need to rise and defeat,
Have you realised the cost for a commuter seat?

In London, the great capital,
You’re just a tool for the great capital!

Well your days are sorry your days are bossed,
They march you to work till your days are lost,
At the age of sixty-seven no matter what the cost,
What will your life be worth after you're tossed?

In London, the great capital,
You’re just a tool for the great capital!

[rowens]

the subject matter makes sense, a simple observation with some unanswered questions. there are a few ideas that are crudely formulated to meet the rhyme and the forms of the lines. and 'steel' is used for 'steal' here, and 'feet' for 'feat', you can use a hyphen in 'sixty-seven', and 'you're tossed'. the main problem is how a line like "How come I saw homeless men steal some bread?" seems too forced, by the form, to fit well with the contextual flow of the subject matter. it makes sense, as the whole poem does, but in the context of reading the poem, it's felt as an arbitrary line-filler.