Analgesia

[penguin]

We reel ‘em in with Ritalin,
(Big Pharma pockets the profit)
Viagra and the Vitamin –
it gets so hard to come off it.

Increasing dependency doses,
the playground exchange of bright sweets;
damned by a dual diagnosis,
the endless prescription repeats.

To manage stress a bullet-proof vest
is obligatory in these quarters:
the weight you can’t get off your chest
when there’s statins in the waters.

In theatre critical poses
are struck at an unwilling heart;
before the final curtain closes
you’ll need permission to depart.

The freaks and loners seek revenge
on all those who disrespect them;
they don’t say much and have few friends -
they’re on the autistic spectrum

and exempt from human weakness
in our analgesic Eden
where all suffering is sickness
and susceptible to treatment.

[billy]

We reel ‘em in with Ritalin,
(Big Pharma pockets the profit)
Viagra and the Vitamin –
it gets so hard to come off it. clever when tied into the line ablove but the last three lines of this verse don't really work when it comes to analgesia.

Increasing dependency doses,feels clunky
the playground exchange of bright sweets;
damned by a dual diagnosis,
the endless prescription repeats.

To manage stress a bullet-proof vest
is obligatory in these quarters:
the weight you can’t get off your chest
when there’s statins in the waters.

In theatre critical poses
are struck at an unwilling heart;
before the final curtain closes
you’ll need permission to depart.

The freaks and loners seek revenge
on all those who disrespect them;
they don’t say much and have few friends -
they’re on the autistic spectrum

and exempt from human weakness
in our analgesic Eden
where all suffering is sickness
and susceptible to treatment. enjoyed this verse.

i like the idea and the attempt to tie the title in but my biggest nit is the meter, in more than a couple of place i have to read a line twice or three times to make it work. the rhyme scheme doesn't scream out but that's a good thing. the last verse is the one that stands out for me. and sums up best what you're trying to say. it sets the bar and in general i don't think the other verses match it.

great to see you back
thanks for the read.

[penguin]

Thanks, Billy.

"clever when tied into the line above but the last three lines of this verse don't really work when it comes to analgesia"

Well, I dunno about that. I think "Vitamin" is weak but I use Analgesia in a wide sense - not only relief from pain, but anxiety and any contemplation of an alternative lifestyle. We must all be good consumers.

I only find trouble with the metre in verse 4, particularly line 1. Previously, I had "In theatre emergency poses" which I prefer but I convinced myself it was too long.

[billy]

viagra would make me anxious, i wouldn't want to waste the stiffy with a handshake

[Philatone]

hey ray! good to have you back

We reel ‘em in with Ritalin,
(Big Pharma pockets the profit)
Viagra and the Vitamin –
it gets so hard to come off it.....tiny note: is "it" the right word at the end? shouldn't it be plural?

Increasing dependency doses,
the playground exchange of bright sweets;
damned by a dual diagnosis,
the endless prescription repeats.

To manage stress a bullet-proof vest
is obligatory in these quarters:
the weight you can’t get off your chest
when there’s statins in the waters.

In theatre critical poses
are struck at an unwilling heart;
before the final curtain closes
you’ll need permission to depart. ...this felt a bit forced to me

The freaks and loners seek revenge
on all those who disrespect them;
they don’t say much and have few friends -
they’re on the autistic spectrum

and exempt from human weakness
in our analgesic Eden
where all suffering is sickness
and susceptible to treatment. ...like the message and the wording here; I think it's well-phrased

have to say that the meter struck me as inconsistent in several areas, making me read over a few lines repeatedly.

as is, the stanzas struck me as feeling very isolated from each other; each has a specific, complete idea without really transitioning into the following stanza. the result is a poem made of many independent parts; each delivers an effective punch, but the complete portrait does not feel as strong as the individual parts, though that is only my view. thanks for the read

[penguin]

Thanks, Philatone.

We reel ‘em in with Ritalin,
(Big Pharma pockets the profit)
Viagra and the Vitamin –
it gets so hard to come off it.....tiny note: is "it" the right word at the end? shouldn't it be plural?

I think I can get away with that - it/the drug.

In theatre critical poses
are struck at an unwilling heart;
before the final curtain closes
you’ll need permission to depart. ...this felt a bit forced to me

The wording feels forced or the argument. Do Not Resuscitate.

I take your point about the isolation of the verses but that don't worry me so much. It's a poem whose high moral tone makes even me wince a bit!