I'm foreva blowing

[Keith]

I was born a bubble

from spittle-chased lips I slipped

blown into being on a raspberry breeze

I rose over summer gardens, weightless on giggles

meniscus glistening with twirling colours

welcomed by my mother’s arms

I aged on her palm

[just mercedes]

I love this! Great sounds, wonderful imagery - in particular 'raspberry breeze' - and somehow, without even saying it, you made me see a bubble burst in my palm. I also like the movement on your poem - from lips into a breeze over gardens, and back to close focus. Thank you for the read.

Maybe you could make it 'from spittle-chased lips I slipped;' as the comma makes a pause in the line that holds up my reading.

[Keith]

I love this! Great sounds, wonderful imagery - in particular 'raspberry breeze' - and somehow, without even saying it, you made me see a bubble burst in my palm. I also like the movement on your poem - from lips into a breeze over gardens, and back to close focus. Thank you for the read.

Maybe you could make it 'from spittle-chased lips I slipped;' as the comma makes a pause in the line that holds up my reading.

Nice one, will do, thanks for commenting

[addy]

Wow, what a great piece. Every line was just a treat to read. I agree that the way the poem floated and swelled before settling back down was a great touch

[billy]

I was born a bubble

from spittle-chased lips I slipped

blown into being on a raspberry breeze

I rose over summer gardens, weightless on giggles

meniscus glistening with twirling colours

welcomed by my mother’s arms

I aged on her palm

an excellent little poem and bubble.
nothing to add apart from you can write
everything and then align it all once

in order to save a lot of work though at the moment it's broke
and now it's fixed


thanks for a bright and refreshing read

[Keith]

I was born a bubble

from spittle-chased lips I slipped

blown into being on a raspberry breeze

I rose over summer gardens, weightless on giggles

meniscus glistening with twirling colours

welcomed by my mother’s arms

I aged on her palm

an excellent little poem and bubble.
nothing to add apart from you can write
everything and then align it all once

in order to save a lot of work though at the moment it's broke
and now it's fixed


thanks for a bright and refreshing read

How can you tell I centered each line ? do you see the matrix ?

[billy]

if you click on the reply button in the post you see all the code as well as words.

[abu nuwas]

Light, refreshing, as someone else put it, and I too enjoyed the slightly irrational 'raspberry breeze'. I was, rather sadly, thrown into chaos by not knowing whether your meniscus was concave or convex.

The only part which troubled me a little was the punch-line. even though I rather like it. cannot explain further, as I do not know what is on my mind.

[Keith]

Light, refreshing, as someone else put it, and I too enjoyed the slightly irrational 'raspberry breeze'. I was, rather sadly, thrown into chaos by not knowing whether your meniscus was concave or convex.

The only part which troubled me a little was the punch-line. even though I rather like it. cannot explain further, as I do not know what is on my mind.

To the eye of the beholder I would be convexed but if you travelled inside me you would see my concaved insides. I first thought to die on her palm but in the life span of a bubble, bursting is only a transition to another state and thus implies aging. Thanks for your comments much apprieciated.

[Rose Love]

I was born a bubble

from spittle-chased lips I slipped

blown into being on a raspberry breeze

I rose over summer gardens, weightless on giggles

meniscus glistening with twirling colours

welcomed by my mother’s arms

I aged on her palm

I love this, it's delightful!
Thanks for sharing it

[Keith]

I was born a bubble

from spittle-chased lips I slipped

blown into being on a raspberry breeze

I rose over summer gardens, weightless on giggles

meniscus glistening with twirling colours

welcomed by my mother’s arms

I aged on her palm

This is the first poem I have read on this site and what a wonderfully well constructed and refreshing read it is too.

I don't want to sound too fawny on my first day, but that was a delight.

Much appreciate Luna C and welcome to the Pen