Fight or Flight

[Keith]

first edit

Of cracked walls, I am born
Scratching, biting and beaten
Moved my position to keep warm
Hunger rides my frame
Blind sibling fights for survival
Losing grip I do the same,
No cover comfort here,
No swelling in my stomach
Should my ground be guarded,
before tumble turns to hurt
stretch my neck to be noticed
against yellow gnashing jaws
the calm of night, flight.

original:

From the cracked walls, I am born
Scratching, biting and beaten
Move my position to keep warm
Hunger rides my frame
Blind sibling fights for its survival
Losing grip I do the same
No cover comfort here
No swelling in my stomach
Should my ground be guarded
or is it time for flight.

[billy]

From the cracked walls, I am born
Scratching, biting and beaten
Move my position to keep warm is it a request of do you mean 'I' move
Hunger rides my frame
Blind sibling fights for its survival no need for its
Losing grip I do the same
No cover comfort here
No swelling in my stomach
Should my ground be guarded
or is it time for flight.

should it be of the cracked walls? an odd comma could be added. i would have liked to see a little bit more about the guarded part.
a small edit could make this shine.

thanks for the read.

[Keith]

Of cracked walls, I am born
Scratching, biting and beaten
Moved my position to keep warm
Hunger rides my frame
Blind sibling fights for survival
Losing grip I do the same,
No cover comfort here,
No swelling in my stomach
Should my ground be guarded,
before tumble turns to hurt
stretch my neck to be noticed
against yellow gnashing jaws
the calm of night, flight.

[billy]

a quick edit it adds a lot to the poem. when you do an edit try and do it as it is in your first post (have a quick look )
it makes it easier to see where the changes were made