Before the Last Volcano Spits Us Out

[MrA]

There's no emotion involved
in taking people apart,
just instinct, an unknown pressure
and a human eye
to skin all that wavers before it.

Been skinning people
since I first saw bones protrude
from spines of almost innocent children.

It's different when death gets on your hands,
soaks through your weak conscience
that has been pulped
by every hallowed mutt
that walked with enough flamboyance
for you to take notice.

We've become ingested by intelligence
and its unrelenting hunger:
it's when your heart beats
that couple of times more than usual
and your brain pisses
down your spine, and you think:
this is love,
this is true fucking hatred.

We are not monogamous creatures
or herd or pack animals.
We get attached to people because
they are everywhere
and we like having us around.

Men start growing this caged look behind their eyes
shortly after puberty opens its savage legs.
Women all start looking the same
with soft and hard dicks in their mouths
and the poor fucking kids are doomed
right from the beginning,
as were the many billions before them.

Love, hatred, jealousy, sodomy,
all products of an over-developed brain
and the primal instinct to procreate.

We are a swarm of locusts
in a very old, small town
and there's a banjo player who's been watching
since long before forever playing the same chord
with two notes,
these notes are in harmony:
creation, extinction
and we're all dancing to it
whether you are aware or not.

[rowens]

This a wonderful poem. A painful poem. Of course the brain pissing down the spine is a highlighted line, all the over-intellectualizing, just a flow of piss. I like a good bit of the shit from the rest of my body to attract strange flies that lay eggs in my brain. You have a breeding-ground of inspiration here. We're a backwoods bunch of creeps from hogwash, no matter how urbane and hip our designer drugs and bachelor degrees and hip hop web blogs. I could rap off of what you've done in this poem all day. You handled everything deliciously; like a food that has us wanting more after we've already stuffed ourselves. I think others will like it.

[Aish]

Hallelujah!
(will return)

[MrA]

This a wonderful poem. A painful poem. Of course the brain pissing down the spine is a highlighted line, all the over-intellectualizing, just a flow of piss. I like a good bit of the shit from the rest of my body to attract strange flies that lay eggs in my brain. You have a breeding-ground of inspiration here. We're a backwoods bunch of creeps from hogwash, no matter how urbane and hip our designer drugs and bachelor degrees and hip hop web blogs. I could rap off of what you've done in this poem all day. You handled everything deliciously; like a food that has us wanting more after we've already stuffed ourselves. I think others will like it.

Wow! Thanks, rowens.
For someone to like it is a big compliment, but to inspire someone.is one of the greatest compliments. Glad is registered so well with you. Again, thank you.

---

Hallelujah!
(will return)

I'll be waiting.

[billy]

There's no emotion involved
in taking people apart,
just instinct, an unknown pressure
and a human eye
to skin all that wavers before it. would this work best as the 2nd stanza and the 2nd as the first? both of which are good stanza in their own right, i just think the 2nd is a lot more powerful an opening given the content.

Been skinning people
since I first saw bones protrude
from spines of almost innocent children. excellent lines

It's different when death gets on your hands,
soaks through your weak conscience
that has been pulped would it read better 'that has been' and have pulped start the next line?
by every hallowed mutt
that walked with enough flamboyance
for you to take notice.

We've become ingested by intelligence
and its unrelenting hunger:
it's when your heart beats
that couple of times more than usual
and your brain pisses
down your spine, and you think:
this is love,
this is true fucking hatred. really strong stanza, the brain lines are excellent.

We are not monogamous creatures
or herd or pack animals.
We get attached to people because
they are everywhere
and we like having us around. not sure this line is needed? it feels too extra

Men start growing this caged look behind their eyes this, or that caged look?
shortly after puberty opens its savage legs.
Women all start looking the same
with soft and hard dicks in their mouths
and the poor fucking kids are doomed
right from the beginning,
as were the many billions before them. many feels redundant

Love, hatred, jealousy, sodomy,
all products of an over-developed brain
and the primal instinct to procreate. not sure about the sodomy in connection to this line.

We are a swarm of locusts
in a very old, small town
and there's a banjo player who's been watching is 'and' needed?
since long before forever playing the same chord
with two notes,
these notes are in harmony:
creation, extinction
and we're all dancing to it
whether you are aware or not.

great read MrA. i never got the connection between it and the title but the poem does feel primordial. the images are excellent as is the way the stanzas play off each other as they change direction. most of my constructive feedback is nits. i just think a few tweaks would make this a worthy publishable poem

thanks for the read.

[Keith]

A class poem, and what Billy says I see now, but didn't on my first reading, the suggested edits would work I think, and I got more involved each time I read it.

[Wildcard]

Hi MrA,
Where do I start?

Wow, what a great thing for any poet to have written. I am no expert by any means, but just on a personal level I felt so much from reading this just a couple of times. I lurk a lot, but I had to at least let you know that I am into this and will look for more of your work.

There is one line that I think may be extranneous:

We get attached to people because
they are everywhere
and we like having us around.

jmo

Thanks for sharing.

[MrA]

Billy that suggestion about swapping the first two stanzas looks like it works really well. Other suggestions are perfectly valid too so thanks for the time you took.

The title is just saying: this is humanity before it turned into the inevitable coal, oil and soil to be spat out of a volcano. Again, thanks.

---

Hi MrA,
Where do I start?

Wow, what a great thing for any poet to have written. I am no expert by any means, but just on a personal level I felt so much from reading this just a couple of times. I lurk a lot, but I had to at least let you know that I am into this and will look for more of your work.

There is one line that I think may be extranneous:

We get attached to people because
they are everywhere
and we like having us around.

jmo

Thanks for sharing.

Well, thank you very much, Mark. I don't write like this often because I'm not sure of it's affects on people in general so the reactions here are quite reassuring and a good boost. I don't see any reason not to use your suggestion, it does need shaping up. Thanks again.

---

A class poem, and what Billy says I see now, but didn't on my first reading, the suggested edits would work I think, and I got more involved each time I read it.

Why thank you, TOMH. Yeah I agree with Billy's suggestions and will snap to it when I'm able.
Again, thanks.

[Leanne]

There's no emotion involved
in taking people apart,
just instinct, an unknown pressure -- I'm not convinced that "an unknown pressure" serves any purpose; it's kind of implied throughout
and a human eye
to skin all that wavers before it.

Been skinning people
since I first saw bones protrude
from spines of almost innocent children. -- I wonder if "nearly innocent" might not serve, just for the sound value?

It's different when death gets on your hands,
soaks through your weak conscience
that has been pulped
by every hallowed mutt
that walked with enough flamboyance
for you to take notice. -- nice -- this is a strong, spat out and swaggering stanza that challenges the reader

We've become ingested by intelligence -- I can't help thinking that "we've become" weakens this by sounding preachy
and its unrelenting hunger:
it's when your heart beats
that couple of times more than usual
and your brain pisses
down your spine, and you think:
this is love,
this is true fucking hatred. -- yes! People always think love and hate are binary opposites... that's because they're stupid

We are not monogamous creatures
or herd or pack animals.
We get attached to people because
they are everywhere
and we like having us around. -- great insight

Men start growing this caged look behind their eyes
shortly after puberty opens its savage legs.
Women all start looking the same
with soft and hard dicks in their mouths
and the poor fucking kids are doomed
right from the beginning,
as were the many billions before them. -- "many" is probably redundant

Love, hatred, jealousy, sodomy,
all products of an over-developed brain
and the primal instinct to procreate. -- not sure that "sodomy" goes with "procreate"... not that there's anything wrong with it of course

We are a swarm of locusts
in a very old, small town
and there's a banjo player who's been watching
since long before forever playing the same chord
with two notes,
these notes are in harmony:
creation, extinction
and we're all dancing to it
whether you are aware or not. -- this last line feels too pat to me and I'm not sure what to suggest... maybe "whether you hear it/him or not"?

[MrA]

There's no emotion involved
in taking people apart,
just instinct, an unknown pressure -- I'm not convinced that "an unknown pressure" serves any purpose; it's kind of implied throughout
and a human eye
to skin all that wavers before it.

Been skinning people
since I first saw bones protrude
from spines of almost innocent children. -- I wonder if "nearly innocent" might not serve, just for the sound value?

It's different when death gets on your hands,
soaks through your weak conscience
that has been pulped
by every hallowed mutt
that walked with enough flamboyance
for you to take notice. -- nice -- this is a strong, spat out and swaggering stanza that challenges the reader

We've become ingested by intelligence -- I can't help thinking that "we've become" weakens this by sounding preachy
and its unrelenting hunger:
it's when your heart beats
that couple of times more than usual
and your brain pisses
down your spine, and you think:
this is love,
this is true fucking hatred. -- yes! People always think love and hate are binary opposites... that's because they're stupid

We are not monogamous creatures
or herd or pack animals.
We get attached to people because
they are everywhere
and we like having us around. -- great insight

Men start growing this caged look behind their eyes
shortly after puberty opens its savage legs.
Women all start looking the same
with soft and hard dicks in their mouths
and the poor fucking kids are doomed
right from the beginning,
as were the many billions before them. -- "many" is probably redundant

Love, hatred, jealousy, sodomy,
all products of an over-developed brain
and the primal instinct to procreate. -- not sure that "sodomy" goes with "procreate"... not that there's anything wrong with it of course

We are a swarm of locusts
in a very old, small town
and there's a banjo player who's been watching
since long before forever playing the same chord
with two notes,
these notes are in harmony:
creation, extinction
and we're all dancing to it
whether you are aware or not. -- this last line feels too pat to me and I'm not sure what to suggest... maybe "whether you hear it/him or not"?

Thank you very much, Leanne. I love your suggestion for the last line and will do that; your other suggestions will be taken into account also when editing. Thank you for your kind feedback.

[Chaotic Body]

Men start growing this caged look behind their eyes

I really love this line.

I've been inspired by this too. I never thought a poem like this was possible to write. I haven't really been so taken aback like this since I read "Dinasauria, We"

I really want to write something like this now.

Been skinning people
since I first saw bones protrude
from spines of almost innocent children.

I understand what this means as it was explained previously, but I'm trying to cut this (need) out of my own poetry- because I know for some people they will just read on without getting it. Even though it's obvious when you put 2 and 2 together because it's not literal. I would say it's worth it if you can link the metaphor strongly to another theme in the poem, though

We've become ingested by intelligence
and its unrelenting hunger:

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.

-Einstein

and your brain pisses
down your spine

Not sure what that means, but I would love to hear about culture pissing on things. Something dark.

We get attached to people because
they are everywhere
and we like having us around.

Men start growing this caged look behind their eyes

Maybe you can link this up with
-animals in cages
-overcrowding
?

Love, hatred, jealousy, sodomy,
all products of an over-developed brain
and the primal instinct to procreate.

I would say undeveloped. We don't understand much of what we are or why we do the things that we do; and we attribute large portions of this to 'personalities' which is not accurate (a simplified human construct).

http://www.academia.edu/1502945/The_Last...sciousness

One need only ask, What is your brain doing now? to appreciate the vertiginous extent of informatic asymmetry.

We are a swarm of locusts
in a very old, small town
and there's a banjo player who's been watching
since long before forever playing the same chord
with two notes,
these notes are in harmony:
creation, extinction
and we're all dancing to it
whether you are aware or not.

I don't like this ending, I don't think it has any meaning to it or anything for me to take away. But that is a small gripe I guess, because it's about the form, and really the other content above has given me something to think about in a new way.


--

thanks for this very interesting read.