The Last Muse

[rowens]

Certainty waits in caves, lost and found, in modern sites,
Where chaos helms the deep layers of dimensional light;
Far, in May's cool autumnal nights, her footsteps trek
A prism of thought, constellations tracing her back.
I was studying the key that she left me in dreams.
Shape the stars, by her vague, distant words: all what it seems.

These visitations, we've shared, give of a bluish flame
Burning now! Crude demons quake before an honest name!
No loss, in air or shallow waters, can try defer,
Or now declaim! of the hidden world we now prefer.
Written in a destiny I found searching her eyes'
Brown sand, the truth of a shared dream never fades or dies!

Last night! We saw the old stars die and fade to nothing.
Only tarnished nickel and broken gold were touching
The throne of my beauty's soul, from the base of her neck
To the white, heated slope of her breast, till my lips met,
With my warm silver water of stars at last reborn,
This Muse's softly beating heart, —and new life was formed.

So come again! and never leave now, my bed of yours.
Smooth as this world we'd always been destined to create,
In you, —I have seen the eyes of this new child of ours.



........................


This poem is forcing its form. It doesn't have a meter, but something that gives it an uneven flow. There's a fight going on, a thorny, solitary battle and a quest. It's trying to hold on to something, and reviving its partner in the wider quest. And it's some kind of acrostic.

[billy]

Certainty waits in caves, lost and found, in modern sites,
Where chaos helms the deep layers of dimensional light;
Far, in May's cool autumnal nights, her footsteps trek
A prism of thought, constellations tracing her back.
I was studying the key that she left me in dreams.
Shape the stars, by her vague, distant words: all what it seems.

These visitations, we've shared, give of a bluish flame it does work with of but i keep seeing it as off
Burning now! Crude demons quake before an honest name!
No loss, in air or shallow waters, can try defer,
Or now declaim! of the hidden world we now prefer.
Written in a destiny I found searching her eyes'
Brown sand, the truth of a shared dream never fades or dies! it feels like the !'s were overdone or mainly necessary.

Last night! We saw the old stars die and fade to nothing.
Only tarnished nickel and broken gold were touching
The throne of my beauty's soul, from the base of her neck
To the white, heated slope of her breast, till my lips met,
With my warm silver water of stars at last reborn,
This Muse's softly beating heart, —and new life was formed.

So come again! and never leave now, my bed of yours.
Smooth as this world we'd always been destined to create,
In you, —I have seen the eyes of this new child of ours.

........................


This poem is forcing its form. It doesn't have a meter, but something that gives it an uneven flow. There's a fight going on, a thorny, solitary battle and a quest. It's trying to hold on to something, and reviving its partner in the wider quest. And it's some kind of acrostic.

i couldn't unravel the acrostic in it. as for feeling forced, i thought the last 4 lines felt that way. but the rest of the poem flowed well. i never bothered with the meter, and never took it as it felt meter should be a main part of it. but it flowed well with a good internal rhythm nonetheless. the sestets had good enough rhymes that i didn't notice them in the read. the first verse was the best with some good narrative.

i did have a feel of lord of the rings with it because of helm's deep but that's a good thing, it gave me a memory.

thanks for the read.

[addy]

Some truly gorgeous stuff here that struck me and fired up my imagination.

[Todd]

I think S3 and S4 are a poem within a poem. Some beautiful writing there.

[rowens]

I'm not sure what this type of acrostic is called, if it's called anything. The name it spells out has an uneven number of letters, and so a uneven number of lines. So many of my poems are so personal that they're painful. I never expect other people to like them. I have a few more very personal poems to deal with, then I want to try some different kinds of poems.

[Leanne]

It starts with Christina? It's called a step-down acrostic, like Poe's "Enigma". Some of your imagery is lovely, especially in S3, but to be honest, I hate the forced rhymes -- couplets make this seem cheesy. The meter isn't really a problem (PS. every poem has meter and so does prose, really -- it's just not always regular or fixed). There are a few other issues but this isn't for serious critique, so I'll just leave by saying I think it's a good idea with a less than perfect execution.

[billy]

i seriously looked for the step down type and never saw ir i do see it now,

[rowens]

No regular meter then. I have a hard time with numbers, and with rhymes. Attention to stressed and unstressed writing distracts me and makes me think of numbers, as do rhymes; and I make obsessive and painful connections, like a crazy person. So I try to not do it. It's that along with the personal things I'm forced to associate them with that limits poems like that. Like here, I tried to make this for someone in the rhyming style they liked in their high school all those years ago, before they moved away. And I was chopping through with these irregular, stamped heroic couplets, that probably aren't as heroic as I had to live them out to be. I've lost a great deal of the concentration I had for traditional forms a decade ago. After a few more poems in my series I'm working in now, I want to try some more to fight things, and give other forms. I think that having to fight though might give more of a forced feeling again. Blank verses might be suiting. I get upset by set rhyme schemes. No offence to Leanne. By the way, I thought maybe she figured I was a foolish asshole, and decided to ignore me. I have so many old poems in the styles she seems to like, but I don't have access to them. This one was written only last year, after my cognitive abilites went astray. I don't know what the older ones are like anymore.

---

I think that, though this might seem cheesy too, I was trying to tell this person in the poem that I needed them in my life. To help balance me with the stability I sorely need, in life and writing. The subject comes from her, and her relations to astrology and alchemy. I have a hard time detaching myself from subjects. Hence the 'demonic' aspects I'm busy battling. Giving form to things that have no form. Making some things real; and locking some away.

[Leanne]

Two small things: Firstly, meter IS mathematical, it's pattern progressions and so forth. Writing poetry is not just about words. Most people do get it eventually (I've never had someone fail if they wanted to try it) but it's not everyone's deal. Secondly, the "away" thingy on my profile is there for a reason. I'm at the pointy end of a graduate diploma that's supposed to take 2 years but I've gone and done the accelerated 1 year version, so it's kind of a lot of work and I don't really have time to muck about here, as much as I want to. So don't feel special, I'm trying to ignore everyone.

[rowens]

You're right. And I know how to do it. I can't do it now though, because of compulsive issues with symbols, numbers, and other subjects that afflict me for unreasonable reasons. I hope to be able to conquer that soon, but setbacks have mounted. Poetry, for me, is a struggle to even exist.

I like some of your poems, Leanne. It's only that the last of my posts you replied to was one where I'd made a teasing remark, so I thought maybe you remembered.
And Billy, and all the others: I obviously take your opinions very seriously. That's why I spend so much time addressing them. I find myself so very involved in the literal subject matter that it sometimes spills out of the confines of art and into shaping my reality.

[billy]

we are who we are rowne. in truth i don't care too much about the poets, i look at the poem and the people or subjects within it. often we'll stay away from people who don't leave feedback but we try and keep personal thoughts about members out of the equations. i enjoy some of the discussions and am grateful that you take part.

all those thing you have a hard time with, so do i. writing a semi decent poem is extremely hard for me. it's even harder for me to give feedback. can you imagine how many times I get it wrong? i hate failure but it's something i'm getting good at .

you're a good enough poet/writer that you can have a go at most forms.

[rowens]

I have phases I live through. And until they're through, I tend to wait before I do other things. This and another like it I did last year. They were attempted out of season. I can't adjust myself to please without seeming rushed. And as for personal comments, I like to joke around. Especially with those I admire. And I like to discuss things with people I like. Otherwise I don't have much to say.

[billy]

i think that's a good idea for discussion thanks