An old friend

[richthehat]

An old friend


What the hell happened, are you alright.
Have a light for your roll up, I’ll pull up a chair.
Lend you my ear, I’m here for you.
Always have been.
You only had to ask.
Are you being stubborn? Or are you embarrassed?
There’s no shame in asking for help.
We all have it hard sometimes,
It’s just that you’ve had it hard for such a long time now.
How do you think it feels to see such a dear friend
Bend the truth to suit the person he’s engaging.
You can’t pull the wool over my eyes,
I can see inside you, your broken.
Once a man out spoken, opinions free flowing.
Knowing where you were going.
Who knew, you had no intention of going anywhere,
And yet you’ve gone too far.
You should have listened to your friends
Instead you ignored our advice and now look at you
A shell of a man broken in two.
Black circles around your eyes, lips turning blue.
You look surprised by my honesty,
Honestly, did you think I would go easy on you.
You need to be told, and maybe just maybe,
This time it will sink in, get under your skin and eat away at what little conscience you have left.
You’re a mess.

[rowens]

The only line that feels a little forced in wording is the one about bending the truth to suit the person, but the meaning is clear. It's a no nonsense direct plea to a person. It doesn't need artsy lines, and you didn't use any, except sort of in the second line. I guess it's your choice how you spell 'alright', and there's a 'your/you're' typo on the line that starts 'I can see inside you'.
It seems pretty cut and dry, if it's really a true story. Serious, and direct.

[billy]

An old friend


What the hell happened, are you alright.
Have a light for your roll up, I’ll pull up a chair.
Lend you my ear, I’m here for you. a bit cliche
Always have been.
You only had to ask.
Are you being stubborn? Or are you embarrassed? stubborn, or embarrassed? or separate the lines
There’s no shame in asking for help.
We all have it hard sometimes,
It’s just that you’ve had it hard for such a long time now.
How do you think it feels to see such a dear friend
Bend the truth to suit the person he’s engaging.
You can’t pull the wool over my eyes, cliche
I can see inside you, your broken.
Once a man out spoken, opinions free flowing.
Knowing where you were going.
Who knew, you had no intention of going anywhere,
And yet you’ve gone too far.
You should have listened to your friends
Instead you ignored our advice and now look at you
A shell of a man broken in two. a double cliche
Black circles around your eyes, lips turning blue.
You look surprised by my honesty,
Honestly, did you think I would go easy on you.
You need to be told, and maybe just maybe,
This time it will sink in, get under your skin and eat away at what little conscience you have left.
You’re a mess.

a nice if wordy prose poem. the wordiness in general really works well. but it does feel a little;e bland in places. but what's happening in the poem is usually bland in real life so i'm just mentioning the fact in passing and not suggesting it be changed. i'm sure the cliché were done on purpose but i'm not sure all of them work. (there's more than the ones i mentioned in the body of the poem) i think it would help if you could replace at least half of them with original lines.

i liked the way the poem went from easy to hard, the progression felt natural. i know people like the ones in this poem so i can relate to it.

thanks for the read.