The Mortal Soul

[heslopian]

A day when I am no longer alive will come.
All the movies and books I've seen and read will no longer matter.
Stanley Kubrick doesn't remember making 2001,
or A Clockwork Orange. All of Dostoyevsky's effort lies in his books,
but he doesn't remember. No-one remembers anything forever.

We're all flies and thinking won't save us from death;
souls don't mean anything. We evolved to be what we are.
Imagine a woman sitting alone on her porch with a bible
and a glass of lemonade. She thinks about her grandchildren
and the roses she planted that morning. Does my son like me?
she wondered earlier that day when he gave her a hateful glance.
Soon she will forget, and her son will bury her,
and a day when he'll forget will also come.

[rowens]

A poem like this works because it has the solid power of prose and the line breaks guide it, while it can swim through images and scenes with the logic of poetry.---I think what you want to do is give death and oblivion that profound aura of sorrow that dead people can't have. That the dead have pushed off past the point of no return; that everyone we care about will, and so will you. Depression is as horrible as death, but with sorrow there's still the feeling of life. And you're not being bleak, you're using death as a great motivator to live and create---and feel---now, before it's too late. I don't like to talk about technical things, its form and words work for me.

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind feedback, rowens I think of this poem as a rather desperate attempt to convey how I felt about death at the time of writing.

[popeye]

Thanks for the read Jack, as always your poems are thought provoking and it made me wonder how close to the relationship you were! Cheers

[heslopian]

What do you mean by "close to the relationship"? Thanks for the kind feedback, popeye

[popeye]

Hello Jack, in answer to your question, I didn't want to be hurtful by being too blunt but your characters seemed very real to me and had me wondering whether it was yourself and your Mum you were describing or a close friend and his Mum, no need to answer if it is too personal, cheers and thanks again for sharing!

[heslopian]

Ah I see. The characters in this poem are entirely fictional. I'm not sure what inspired me to think of an old woman. Maybe I'd just been watching The Golden Girls

[popeye]

LOL, Cheers champ

[addy]

You've written personal poems before that more closely depicted your thoughts on your mother, so I was certain this wasn't about her... though I do see why some readers would think it. The first stanza was very overtly the author's POV, and depicts references that are personally significant to yourself; so some would interpret the latter stanza as following the same vein. Of course, none of this has any bearing on the effectiveness of the poem . I though it was superb. The first line of S2 is a truth that particularly stings.

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind and interesting feedback, Addy I see your point about this poem's seemingly confessional nature.

[billy]

i have no nits. and it has many sentiments i agree with. the first stanza works really well because it's you about you.
all well and good on it's own but it would soon get tedious. you seem to have covered that base by bringing our own imagination into the frame. what makes it really good is that lots of people will disagree with you. you have that extra dimension or real participation. what a wanker the Christian believers will say. the non believers will be nodding their heads in agreement.

while addy finds truth in the line she mentioned, other will find heresy personally i see a bit of truth,

thanks for the read. liked the narrative

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind feedback, Billy If readers see even a bit of truth I'm flattered. I can't remember if I published it here but I wrote a poem called "The Immortal Soul" which this poem kind of led on from.

[billy]

i thought i'd read it before but i didn't want to look like i was clairvoyant

[heslopian]

Thank you for your feedback, PillarsOfDesire What leading words are you referring to, may I ask?

[heslopian]

Thank you for your comment teenage jesus, and your great feedback Pillars