the simplicity of being

[Indie]

Simplicity drips into this chasm of life
easy and uncomplicated
yet shot up with niggling anxiety
that sanity never lasts,
and the insecurities
that rendered me a crazy bitch
will crash over me like a tsunami, again.

The gun I sometimes like to play with
rusty from disuse, whispers to me
from beyond the sunlight
washing the grime from the windows,
the wall between me and you
all but invisible now.

It’s so easy to run,
so easy to pretend
I’m not a weapon
and that I don’t know how to use one.

And as I watch the simplicity drip
I flick the last of my unused lighters
and light my fears on fire,
remembering the one thing I forgot.
I’m not a weapon.

The mantra in my head –

Be human.

[billy]

Simplicity drips into this chasm of life
easy and uncomplicated does it need a semi colon?
yet shot up with niggling anxiety
that sanity never lasts,
and the insecurities
that rendered me a crazy bitch i like the realism of bitch (not that you are one )
will crash over me like a tsunami, again.

The gun I sometimes like to play with
rusty from disuse, whispers to me
from beyond the sunlight
washing the grime from the windows,
the wall between me and you
all but invisible now. i like this stanza. for some reason i think of gunsight when i read sunlight

It’s so easy to run,
so easy to pretend
I’m not a weapon
and that I don’t know how to use one.

And as I watch the simplicity drip
I flick the last of my unused lighters
and light my fears on fire,
remembering the one thing I forgot.
I’m not a weapon.

The mantra in my head – the last two lines feel like they're forced.

Be human.

just a couple of nits Indie. my main nit is the title, it feels like it's stealing something from the poem real, would simplicity work on its own?
the other is that it starts off a little too slowly. i get th feel it's one of those long moment poems but it feels like it could be a little tighter.


thanks for the read.

[Indie]

Thank you Billy I'll have an edit up hopefully in the next week

[raymond trevitt]

I think 'easily' instead of easy. I'd leave out 'bitch' - too common. I think it could live without the last two lines

[addy]

A fairly dark piece. Interesting read

Simplicity drips into this chasm of life
easy and uncomplicated might be overloading with adjectives here... they mean pretty much the same thing: simple
yet shot up with niggling anxiety
that sanity never lasts,
and the insecurities
that rendered me a crazy bitch
will crash over me like a tsunami, again.

The gun I sometimes like to play with
rusty from disuse, whispers to me
from beyond the sunlight
washing the grime from the windows,
the wall between me and you
all but invisible now. The scene is tantalizing and a little odd. The narrator says he plays with the gun, but it is "rusty from disuse" and "whispers from beyond" implying inaccessibility. There but not there.

It’s so easy to run,
so easy to pretend
I’m not a weapon
and that I don’t know how to use one.

And as I watch the simplicity drip
I flick the last of my unused lighters
and light my fears on fire,
remembering the one thing I forgot.
I’m not a weapon. My only problem with this is it directly contradicts the previous stanza. Are you a weapon, or not a weapon?

The mantra in my head –

Be human.

[Indie]

Thanks for your comment Addy. I see what you mean in verse 1, I'll have a think on how to remedy that. Not sure what you meant in your comment in verse 2. The last two verses aren't in direct contradiction. Verse three is expressing that particular aspect, the violence inside, the weapon we can be. Verse four is leading up to the last line, that the character is human, and that despite the violence inside he/she is not a weapon (in the sense of the absolute), but that he/she is human and needs to remember that.

[addy]

hey indie
regarding the comment on the second verse, i was just observing that its strange that a gun you often play with (that usually means you shoot it) is actually rusty from disuse. that image told a story... that the narrator toys with the idea but doesnt do the deed. I think its neat

as for the other comment, i do feel there is a contradiction in the narration. on one hand you say "its easy to pretend i'm not a weapon", but later you say "i remember...I'm not a weapon" (i'm paraphrasing). so for me the first person POV is inconsistent; either he genuinely believes ,that, or he acknowledges that he's fooling himself. Can't be both, unless I'm missing something. (heck i probably am )