|..

[parakleseos]

Interchum, your pictures could not evolve and
bone collection is humdrum. (Lots of people grow up on farms.)
Sure I'm bound to like what they scratched up in Andahuaylillas, but
let's be serious anthropologist bafflers for the purpose of motile product placement.

I'm not even sure today that for example
[ind]-The comedian convicted of sexually assaulting his young daughter
[ind][ind]appeared outside the Auckland District Court. (And I have photographs of that.)
[ind]-Gu Kailai will receive a fair trial for the murder of Briton Neil Heywood.
[ind]-The Batman mythology has been hurt by the Aurora massacre.

That's not the problem of your art, I very well suppose with my
stereotypical 1890s capitalist and Un Incroyable wearing such a hat as early as 1796.
But what is? Something about the dark and being
imaginative with a certain festering low talent for artisanship, sure, but
I meanwhile can only play this game which involves
answering questions or solving puzzles usually for money and/or prizes however
really for nothing and it's a lousy game perhaps.

God, never mind.

Once again you're looking at me as though this is a baffling type of circular intersection or junction in which road traffic is slowed and flows almost continuously in one direction around a central island out to several exits and onto various intersecting roads, and I can't/won't be bothered I just No.

[billy]

i'll have to give this more time than i have. will do so tomorrow.

[tectak]

i'll have to give this more time than i have. will do so tomorrow.

.......and tomorrow never comes. Me too.This is all too messy and uncontrolled. I am not convinced that it bas any poetic virtues.
tectak

[Philatone]

hey parakleseos

some thoughts

Interchum, your pictures could not evolve and ...the very first word sends me a progressively more confusing trip; i'm really not sure how i'm supposed to take the word
bone collection is humdrum. (Lots of people grow up on farms.)...having trouble drawing connections between these apparent associations. i'm seeing a critique of an artist stuck on the same, repetitive subject matter. think a stronger title could really give me more to work with
Sure I'm bound to like what they scratched up in Andahuaylillas, but
let's be serious anthropologist bafflers for the purpose of motile product placement.

I'm not even sure today that for example
[ind]-The comedian convicted of sexually assaulting his young daughter
[ind][ind]appeared outside the Auckland District Court. (And I have photographs of that.) ...why does this detail get 2 lines and the others only one?
[ind]-Gu Kailai will receive a fair trial for the murder of Briton Neil Heywood.
[ind]-The Batman mythology has been hurt by the Aurora massacre.
...an interesting tangent, but i'm not sure if the wealth of details and examples are needed; they pulled the poem in a direction I don't think it is headed. the poem seems focused on the artist, not the speaker's own issues. in fact, the next line even confirms that this series of thoughts is not related for me ( "That's not the problem of your art")

That's not the problem of your art, I very well suppose with my
stereotypical 1890s capitalist and Un Incroyable wearing such a hat as early as 1796....what hat? i'm guessing it's a symbol more than anything
But what is? Something about the dark and being
imaginative with a certain festering low talent for artisanship, sure, but
I meanwhile can only play this game which involves
answering questions or solving puzzles usually for money and/or prizes however
really for nothing and it's a lousy game perhaps. ...the game part eluded me. perhaps the speaker is a curator for the art?

God, never mind.

Once again you're looking at me as though this is a baffling type of circular intersection or junction in which road traffic is slowed and flows almost continuously in one direction around a central island out to several exits and onto various intersecting roads, and I can't/won't be bothered I just No...i don't understand the "bothered" part. for such a rant, to end abruptly feels a bit deflating (though that may be the intention for the piece)

i like the 'conversational' tone, but it strikes me as too stream-of-consciousness in a way, though it is a bit controlled. it's interesting because i feel as though i know more about the subject than the speaker.

i apologize, but a lot of this is going over my head at the moment

[billy]

Interchum, your pictures could not evolve and
bone collection is humdrum. (Lots of people grow up on farms.)
Sure I'm bound to like what they scratched up in Andahuaylillas, but
let's be serious anthropologist bafflers for the purpose of motile product placement.

I'm not even sure today that for example
[ind]-The comedian convicted of sexually assaulting his young daughter
[ind][ind]appeared outside the Auckland District Court. (And I have photographs of that.)
[ind]-Gu Kailai will receive a fair trial for the murder of Briton Neil Heywood.
[ind]-The Batman mythology has been hurt by the Aurora massacre.

That's not the problem of your art, I very well suppose with my
stereotypical 1890s capitalist and Un Incroyable wearing such a hat as early as 1796.
But what is? Something about the dark and being
imaginative with a certain festering low talent for artisanship, sure, but
I meanwhile can only play this game which involves
answering questions or solving puzzles usually for money and/or prizes however
really for nothing and it's a lousy game perhaps.

God, never mind.

Once again you're looking at me as though this is a baffling type of circular intersection or junction in which road traffic is slowed and flows almost continuously in one direction around a central island out to several exits and onto various intersecting roads, and I can't/won't be bothered I just No.

i've read and re read and read it again. and i know i know what it means but i don't, there's something in there that wants me know it's intent but i'm struggling to find it. it's feels like a very clever piece that only the poet can see. it really could be me at fault and if so i apologise. i get a sense of media overloading us with so much shite that we can't tell truth from fiction that we've grown immune to the things that we once saw as important ; and even that i'm not sure of.

i wish i could have been of more help parakleseos (aka; pk)

thanks for the read.

[abu nuwas]

Whether or not the writer's first language is English, is in a sense unimportant. It appears like that, and appears to seek on the one hand to be fairly arcane, and yet, on the other, to eschew those structures which might make it comprehensible.

I have been looking for positives. Perhaps I shall return, and find how wrong I was.

Maybe I a bit miffed because I feel the title has been nicked --from me.

[parakleseos]

Thanks for your thoughts, guys. I found some of your comments very useful.

Though I don't want to privilege my intentions over your readings, the poem can be interpreted as a (regrettably) sarcastic and bitchy criticism of an archetypal neo-formalist ideologue, though it includes a certain amount of the usual pomo undermining of itself, particularly in the second and third strophes. It ends in a deflated shrug, which Philatone correctly identifies as being intended to seem abrupt and unpleasant. I was going for the feeling of a person walking away mid-argument after suddenly becoming overwhelmed by the pointless and unproductive nature of the discourse, particularly struck by the other party's inability to even understand how he was being criticised.

billy: You're certainly not at "fault" in any way. I regularly write (worse! share!) poems that have no particular desire to communicate meaning unambiguously. Sometimes even poetry that has no specific interest in communicating semiotically at all. I know this annoys some people, but I think that's to do with them having a pretty narrow idea of what poetry is. My own conception of poetry would be inclusive of genres such as asemic writing, for example, where there doesn't have to be any intended semantic content. I found your take on the media report commentary in the second stanza valuable.

philatone:
--"Interchum" is a neologism meaning "someone you're friendly with on the Internet only". It's intended in this context to be somewhat diminutive and trivialising, in the way that someone who dislikes you might call you "mate" or "buddy".
--There's no reason consciously intended by me re: the first item in the list getting two lines.
--I appreciate what you're saying about the second stanza feeling tangential and a bit of an abrupt "pull". Its purpose is to try to illustrate how far apart the two actors' (the artist and his critic/the speaker's) perspectives are . While the artist is absolutely certain of his beliefs and their rectitude, his critic is sceptical to the point of near-solipsism. I may try to find a smoother way of doing this.
--The hat is a top hat. There's enough detail in the sentence to make this able to be determined. The critic uses it here by way of self-mockery, as a symbol of his own elitism/dandyism.
--"The game" is the critic's role criticising the artist and his art, or art and artists more generally.

abu nuwas: The title has been nicked from you how? You would have liked it to have had a title, or you've used a similar title in the past?

Thanks again for the feedback. I'll be making some changes.


-pk

[abu nuwas]

Thanks for your thoughts, guys. I found some of your comments very useful.

Though I don't want to privilege my intentions over your readings, the poem can be interpreted as a (regrettably) sarcastic and bitchy criticism of an archetypal neo-formalist ideologue, though it includes a certain amount of the usual pomo undermining of itself, particularly in the second and third strophes. It ends in a deflated shrug, which Philatone correctly identifies as being intended to seem abrupt and unpleasant. I was going for the feeling of a person walking away mid-argument after suddenly becoming overwhelmed by the pointless and unproductive nature of the discourse, particularly struck by the other party's inability to even understand how he was being criticised.

billy: You're certainly not at "fault" in any way. I regularly write (worse! share!) poems that have no particular desire to communicate meaning unambiguously. Sometimes even poetry that has no specific interest in communicating semiotically at all. I know this annoys some people, but I think that's to do with them having a pretty narrow idea of what poetry is. My own conception of poetry would be inclusive of genres such as asemic writing, for example, where there doesn't have to be any intended semantic content. I found your take on the media report commentary in the second stanza valuable.

philatone:
--"Interchum" is a neologism meaning "someone you're friendly with on the Internet only". It's intended in this context to be somewhat diminutive and trivialising, in the way that someone who dislikes you might call you "mate" or "buddy".
--There's no reason consciously intended by me re: the first item in the list getting two lines.
--I appreciate what you're saying about the second stanza feeling tangential and a bit of an abrupt "pull". Its purpose is to try to illustrate how far apart the two actors' (the artist and his critic/the speaker's) perspectives are . While the artist is absolutely certain of his beliefs and their rectitude, his critic is sceptical to the point of near-solipsism. I may try to find a smoother way of doing this.
--The hat is a top hat. There's enough detail in the sentence to make this able to be determined. The critic uses it here by way of self-mockery, as a symbol of his own elitism/dandyism.
--"The game" is the critic's role criticising the artist and his art, or art and artists more generally.

abu nuwas: The title has been nicked from you how? You would have liked it to have had a title, or you've used a similar title in the past?

Thanks again for the feedback. I'll be making some changes.


-pk

Not as sophisticated as yours, of course:

http://pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=4809

[parakleseos]

Short and sharp, I liked it. Thanks!

Not as sophisticated as yours, of course:

http://pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=4809