Crystal Math

[Wildcard]

One-hundred twenty-five dollars left to
my name. Is worthless
all I'll ever be? Is doomed
my only option?

One hour, twenty minutes of
sleep. Is something I never get
going to kill me?

Twenty dollars per
day, after days of waiting,
isn't that much. Longer
nights get shorter
and shorter. Nights
can be longer.

[addy]

Wow, I know this is the "for fun" section but I found this so thoughtful and clever. That last stanza is very very telling, and very effective imo ("nights can be longer" was a pretty great line for me). The pragmatic tone makes it all the more subversive. Enjoyed this one Mark

[Todd]

Mark, I realize that this isn't in a critique forum so I won't do that. This is however the best thing of yours I've read. It's tightly written, clever, and cool.

[Wildcard]

I was scared to put it in the crit forum

Thanks addy and Todd

[billy]

One-hundred twenty-five dollars left to
my name. Is worthless
all I'll ever be? Is doomed
my only option?

One hour, twenty minutes of
sleep. Is something I never get
going to kill me?

Twenty dollars per
day, after days of waiting,
isn't that much. Longer
nights get shorter
and shorter. Nights
can be longer.

utter shite......not really

the enjambment is excellent and it's a really well constructed poem,
that it's in the fun section just stops me from having to praise it any more

[Wildcard]

Thanks boss.

[Aish]

I have to agree with Todd. Mark, I think you have done an excellent job with this one.

[Wildcard]

Thanks Aish