Where Dost Madness Dwell?

[Arachne]

I am in the mood for another poem bashing. Hit me.

Where Dost Madness Dwell?
If insanity dwells within
And heresy is accused
Rest on the laurels of the base
Or be defiled of thine own being
Madness is what controlled men fear
Their animal lurks beneath their wool clothes
Like a wolf in sheep's skinned stealth
The true blade lies within this sheath o skin
Double edged yet bloodless
More runs through the veins in a leaf
Than bears metal in thine arteries
O petrified forest of men
Whose hearts have turned to stone
Whose legs have taken root to ground
Whose branches no longer expand
Dare to think like a mad hatter or a March hare
And allow Sherwood to thrive ~ Arachne

[billy]

Dost? (in the title) i found it hard to leave the line and continue.
you have lots of poetic lines at play but they feel overwhelming.
some of the cliche spoils some of the great lines. i think the last
6 lines are excellent while the preceding lines
fall over one another a little.

as for the bashing, it's not our aim
we do have a miscellaneous forum where you can dictate if you
want honest feedback or not and a for fun forum which as the name suggests
is a place to put poetry written just for the fun or joy of writing it.

thanks for the read

[addy]

I like your fondness for rich imagery and language . In this case, it lends just the right kind of passion to your subject. here are a few of my reactions... hope they help

I am in the mood for another poem bashing. Hit me.

Where Dost Madness Dwell?
If insanity dwells within
And heresy is accused
Rest on the laurels of the base
Or be defiled of thine own being Something wrong with the syntax of "defiled of" I think... that's like saying "I was stolen of my watch" instead of "I was robbed of my watch"
Madness is what controlled men fear
Their animal lurks beneath their wool clothes
Like a wolf in sheep's skinned stealth even though the alliteration of "skinned stealth" sounds good, it makes your meaning unnecessarily confusing
The true blade lies within this sheath o skin
Double edged yet bloodless
More runs through the veins in a leaf
Than bears metal in thine arteries Ok, this is my interpretation of the narrative thus far... at the beginning the narrator questions where madness lies, as the concept seems to be a product of both internal (the body/mind) and external forces (social norms versus taboo) so it seems neither of them are the perfect answer. Then you introduce the idea of a wolf in sheep's clothing to express madness as an in-between idea (double-edged), and it must be something just under the surface. It carries over with the leaf image, since in a way you are still talking about skin and again there is an allusion to an edge/boundary. So with the line "...bears metal in thine arteries", even if it calls back to your blade line from before, i don't feel the concept of arteries ties in as well to everything else you've subtly established so far. Sorry for the rambling, just my take on it
O petrified forest of men
Whose hearts have turned to stone
Whose legs have taken root to ground
Whose branches no longer expand So fond of these lines for some reason
Dare to think like a mad hatter or a March hare
And allow Sherwood to thrive ~ Arachne This struck me as a slightly weak last line... maybe because "allow" is such a passive word that it kind of dampens the revolutionary undertones of "Sherwood" (I'm only presuming that's what your meaning was)

[Philatone]

hello, arachne
some thoughts

I am in the mood for another poem bashing. Hit me.

Where Dost Madness Dwell?...don't think this line is necessary if it is the title as well
If insanity dwells within
And heresy is accused..couldn't help but wonder "of what"? the line felt a bit unfinished
Rest on the laurels of the base
Or be defiled of thine own being
Madness is what controlled men fear...an apostrophe or period would work wonders
Their animal lurks beneath their wool clothes.."animal" is vaguer than it needs to be. the image below is too cliche; can you make it new?
Like a wolf in sheep's skinned stealth
The true blade lies within this sheath o skin
Double edged yet bloodless ...i'm struggling with the contradiction; how "bloodless" and "double edged" relate to each other
More runs through the veins in a leaf
Than bears metal in thine arteries
O petrified forest of men
Whose hearts have turned to stone... like the idea, but "petrified" already conveys that "turned to stone". if anything, this line could be removed so that the forest and plant images come through stronger
Whose legs have taken root to ground
Whose branches no longer expand
Dare to think like a mad hatter or a March hare
And allow Sherwood to thrive ~ Arachne

punctuation would have helped my read, to be sure I had the reading you wanted from me.

hopefully, some of these can be of use. the language and word choice is good for the tone you desire, I think. Some of the images just need some bolstering