Scrabbled

[tectak]

Edit 1 philatone

Old words lie pegged on each bare page,
burnt black on blinding ground.
Fiducial marks on this parched plain
lead not nor guide the leaking pen
that spills its juice, as do all men,
when first the thirst of lust is slain.
Virginity, once lost, twice found,
Becomes just one more passant stage.

And so the pressured poet sits
amused by moving themes
(whilst critics huff and puff themselves
ballooned by egocentric air,
though bursting to be seen as fair)
the rancid bag in which he delves
delivers by his scrabbled dreams
no more than verse which fits.

Scream out, scream loud for freedom; curse
the muse who holds the reins.
The poem is never over 'till
the critics throw their hats to sky
and cheer your win as home you fly;
across that final welcome sill,
that perfect line to end the pain,
with one word left. At last ...a verse.
Tectak
2012



I figured I had been getting above myself of late but I can't help it. I JUST LIKE RHYME! To those who are offended by my dogma, I submit this as an example of contrived poetry. You should know it took eleven minutes of my life to write but boy did I enjoy it? Too right!

[Philatone]

hey tec!
seemed like a fun one to write, although it went on a direction I wasn't expecting after reading the first few lines. that being said

Old words lie pegged on each bare page,
burnt black on blinding ground. ...i'm seeing "blinding" also as intensely white, contrasting with the black
Fiducial marks on this parched plain
lead not nor guide the leaking pen...wasn't a fan of "lead not nor guide" in terms of flow, but that is entirely personal
that spills its juice, as do all men,
when first the thirst of lust is slain.
Virginity, once lost, twice found,
Becomes just one more passant stage....last three lines were quite strong, a sense of completion given as well as the sense that another journey still continues

And so the pressured poet sits
Amused by moving themes.
Whilst critics huff and puff themselves
ballooned by egocentric air,...would move the comma to after "themselves" to continue the thought; otherwise, what follows can be misconstrued
though bursting to be seen as fair,
the rancid bag in which he delves...the poet again? just checking. there are several clauses mixed in here, so confusing subjects is possible
delivers by his scrabbled dreams...it's probably me, but "by" didn't feel like the exact preposition for this point
no more than verse which fits.

Scream out, scream loud for freedom; curse...like the caesurae and enjambment
the muse who holds the reins.
The poem is never over 'till
the critics throw their hats to sky
and cheer your win as home you fly;
across that final welcome sill,
that perfect line to end the pain,
with one word left. At last ...a verse.
Tectak
2012

strikes me as a poem written more to get something down on paper/ find a topic. heavily meta-poetic, but I think the result is entertaining enough.

[billy]

1st off, it doesn't read as being that contrived, and the rhyme scheme doesn't either.

Old words lie pegged on each bare page,
burnt black on blinding ground.is this line needed, it basically says the same as above, though here they're burnt and the same page is binding?
Fiducial marks on this parched plain i like the use of fiducial to denote the lines we write on. (an assumption)
lead not nor guide the leaking pen
that spills its juice, as do all men, a bit cliche but i like it.
when first the thirst of lust is slain.
Virginity, once lost, twice found,
Becomes just one more passant stage. how come a cap after a comma?

And so the pressured poet sits
Amused by moving themes.
Whilst critics huff and puff themselves
ballooned by egocentric air,
though bursting to be seen as fair,
the rancid bag in which he delves
delivers by his scrabbled dreams
no more than verse which fits.

Scream out, scream loud for freedom; curse
the muse who holds the reins.
The poem is never over 'till
the critics throw their hats to sky
and cheer your win as home you fly;
across that final welcome sill,
that perfect line to end the pain,
with one word left. At last ...a verse.
Tectak
2012



I figured I had been getting above myself of late but I can't help it. I JUST LIKE RHYME! To those who are offended by my dogma, I submit this as an example of contrived poetry. You should know it took eleven minutes of my life to write but boy did I enjoy it? Too right!

it's good that people enjoy writing poetry, i think this one bears you out but of course i have no proof
i think most would say it's better than average. that you say it's contrived takes something away from the read. though i suppose most art is contrived. knowing it or being told it makes it taste a little bitter, if that were one of your aims then you succeeded.

i like the egocentric line and the use of it on self, i guess most critics have a similar trait of feeling that they know everything, or do they? maybe not i read your post in the other thread and can understand how you thought you were getting above yourself . we all do it at one time or another. i'm still not sure if this is a mock or self flagellation but i enjoyed the read.

billy

[tectak]

hey tec!
seemed like a fun one to write, although it went on a direction I wasn't expecting after reading the first few lines. that being said

Old words lie pegged on each bare page,
burnt black on blinding ground. ...i'm seeing "blinding" also as intensely white, contrasting with the black
Fiducial marks on this parched plain
lead not nor guide the leaking pen...wasn't a fan of "lead not nor guide" in terms of flow, but that is entirely personal
that spills its juice, as do all men,
when first the thirst of lust is slain.
Virginity, once lost, twice found,
Becomes just one more passant stage....last three lines were quite strong, a sense of completion given as well as the sense that another journey still continues

And so the pressured poet sits
Amused by moving themes.
Whilst critics huff and puff themselves
ballooned by egocentric air,...would move the comma to after "themselves" to continue the thought; otherwise, what follows can be misconstrued
though bursting to be seen as fair,
the rancid bag in which he delves...the poet again? just checking. there are several clauses mixed in here, so confusing subjects is possible
delivers by his scrabbled dreams...it's probably me, but "by" didn't feel like the exact preposition for this point
no more than verse which fits.

Scream out, scream loud for freedom; curse...like the caesurae and enjambment
the muse who holds the reins.
The poem is never over 'till
the critics throw their hats to sky
and cheer your win as home you fly;
across that final welcome sill,
that perfect line to end the pain,
with one word left. At last ...a verse.
Tectak
2012

strikes me as a poem written more to get something down on paper/ find a topic. heavily meta-poetic, but I think the result is entertaining enough.

Yes, phil. That is exactly the point. This is written to demonstrate the irksome point that a lot of verse is written for its own sake, when the subject matter overrides and overwhelms the poet to the detriment of the basic beautiful rules (now I am in trouble) of poetry.
The tendency then becomes an exercise in word selection with the verse bent an mangled to accomodate whatever clever word comes next out of the poets bag. Personally, I dislike this in any poetry and tend to see it as lazy at best but lacking in wordpower at worst. Some may argue that the lazy and the inarticulate have as much right to write as everyone else and I would not disavow the apologists the right to their opinions......but I believe that the only common factor in the hierarchy of poets is the abilty to improve; and that applies to critics, too

---

1st off, it doesn't read as being that contrived, and the rhyme scheme doesn't either.

Old words lie pegged on each bare page,
burnt black on blinding ground.is this line needed, it basically says the same as above, though here they're burnt and the same page is binding?
Fiducial marks on this parched plain i like the use of fiducial to denote the lines we write on. (an assumption)
lead not nor guide the leaking pen
that spills its juice, as do all men, a bit cliche but i like it.
when first the thirst of lust is slain.
Virginity, once lost, twice found,
Becomes just one more passant stage. how come a cap after a comma?

And so the pressured poet sits
Amused by moving themes.
Whilst critics huff and puff themselves
ballooned by egocentric air,
though bursting to be seen as fair,
the rancid bag in which he delves
delivers by his scrabbled dreams
no more than verse which fits.

Scream out, scream loud for freedom; curse
the muse who holds the reins.
The poem is never over 'till
the critics throw their hats to sky
and cheer your win as home you fly;
across that final welcome sill,
that perfect line to end the pain,
with one word left. At last ...a verse.
Tectak
2012



I figured I had been getting above myself of late but I can't help it. I JUST LIKE RHYME! To those who are offended by my dogma, I submit this as an example of contrived poetry. You should know it took eleven minutes of my life to write but boy did I enjoy it? Too right!

it's good that people enjoy writing poetry, i think this one bears you out but of course i have no proof
i think most would say it's better than average. that you say it's contrived takes something away from the read. though i suppose most art is contrived. knowing it or being told it makes it taste a little bitter, if that were one of your aims then you succeeded.

i like the egocentric line and the use of it on self, i guess most critics have a similar trait of feeling that they know everything, or do they? maybe not i read your post in the other thread and can understand how you thought you were getting above yourself . we all do it at one time or another. i'm still not sure if this is a mock or self flagellation but i enjoyed the read.

billy

Thanks billy. See my reply to phil. Typo capital,trying to please erthon!
Fiducial marks are meant toget the reader back to the scrabble board where the aim is just to get a word to fit without regard to its meaning. I see this in a lot of poetry....I believe we tend to pass it off as obscure!
(Oh no, he's off germane....sorry, again)
Best,
Tectak

[billy]

oops me

"but I believe that the only common factor in the hierarchy of poets is the abilty to improve; and that applies to critics, too "
i have to agree that while everyone has the right to write, the two types you mention should only do it for funn unless they really do want to improve.
sorry if i got the thing arse upward. i my defence, it's what i saw.